My LO has developed these rashes, Mommies, please advise what to do. #MomSoWorried, #WorstMomOfTheYear, #WillNotGoToDoctor, #WhatTFDoesLOMean

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Pop Quiz.

Which part(s) of the above sentence gets your goat? Even if one aspect gets your four-legged animal, then come and sit in my corner.

The worst and the most dangerous byproduct of the baby making and raising process is the dreaded mommy group. We moms, who gave birth in the early 2000s are perhaps the first generation of internet moms. We took tentative steps into Mommy blogging and worried about anonymity or the ethics of sharing stuff about our babies on a public platform. As Facebook and Whatsapp came by, mommies began to form FB groups, which began to grow exponentially with respect to the growth in connectivity and the numbering of the G word representing the coveted mobile network. I wholeheartedly support these online support groups. However, I cannot fathom the following annoying types on these Mommy groups.

Those who cannot pay a doctor

As one scrolls through the onslaught of posts, a dreaded close-up of a rash appears on the feed. This is accompanied by a detailed description of symptoms like the intensity of itchiness or types of poop or vomit. I wonder if these moms gave birth on their FB group instead of going to a doctor. Why do they think a group of non-expert mommy bloggers can identify the reasons for the rash on your child’s body? Call your doctor instead, unless, you need gharelu nuskhey.

Those who use hashtags

Your place is in an ad agency designing buzz words. Do not waste your talent.

Those who use Abbreviations

Tell me about the 2 seconds you saved by using abbreviations.

Those who brag about their children every day

Here, I silently patted my back because my children participated in a sporting event and finished last (at least they didn’t give up halfway) and I check my FB feed only to be greeted by pictures of a child performing complicated yoga postures or playing a complex tune. Seriously, I need to change my mommy goals or raise the bar.

Those who share pictures of their child every few hours

I wish there was a number that indicated the maximum number of baby pictures one can post in a mommy group and that number be 0. Moreover, did you really think one can distinguish between baby snaps? Hell, I cannot recognize my own children when confronted by a mass of identically clad children running towards their doting parents at the close of a school day.

Those who share pictures of their child and oh the horror, ask for votes to help them win a competition where the reward is a gift voucher from online shops.

Is it really worth the trouble? I am tempted to donate a voucher to such desperate moms.

Those who constantly discuss every aspect of parenting

Get a life Mommies, even the moms of a generation ago were having wild kitty parties instead of off-loading their parenting woes to willing or unwilling ears. Were you born a mom that you have forgotten your past life?

Those who are self-centered and do not respond to other moms’ genuine queries

Ever seen those types who become active only when they have their own problems?

Those who form cliques

A group within a group? It is like high school all over again, isn’t it? These typical moms respond but only to their favourites or friends and studiously ignore the rest of the group.

Those who use fellow group members as their therapists

Let’s face it, There are only so many in-law stories and marital issues that one can bear to read. Perhaps create a different group for in-law / marital woes because a mommy group is a support group for moms on parenting related issues. Will you ask a Mathematics doubt in a Literature Class? Then why post your unrelated issues on Mommy groups?

Those who use Mommy groups as free retail space

There is a word for such people – get out.

Those who are chronic –I will leave this group types

Leave silently, Oh wait, you expected us to cajole and beg you to stay. Well, stay is a word I use for my canine and he obeys.

Those who are too lazy to google

Short phrases that come in fancy and colourful posters on FB are my pet peeve. They look attractive enough to lure people into reading them. ‘Mommies, please recommend a list of schools in XYZ area.’ Some information can be gathered from Google. Seriously, what happened to the old-fashioned talking to neighbours, friends and relatives? Mommy groups are cross-geography and by asking such questions, one actually is asking someone else to do your dirty job.

This is 2018. We are blessed with a wealth of information readily available at our finger-tips, we have easily accessible medical service, especially in India and most importantly, this huge set of moms on the mommy groups are generous enough to offer moral support and advice, however, can we pledge that hereafter we will not misuse their time and generosity?

 Riti Prasad is the author of Double Trouble, Double Fun!: A Supermom’s Guide to Raising Twins, Wicked Temptations and Mathematics Fun, Fact and Fiction. She works in the Fragrance Industry as Creation Head.

Also Read: Parenting Moments – What was Hot in 2017 and Outlook for 2018

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