Mama’s Boys Are Great Sons, But Not The Best Husbands

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Currently, an old interview of Sonam Kapoor is making rounds on Twitter, in which she says that mama’s boys make the best husbands. When Simi Garewal had asked her during a television show about what she would do if the man she was interested in was a mama’s boy, Kapoor had said, “That’s fine. I think men who love their mothers make the best husbands. I think they have respect for their moms, their family and for women. I think that’s most important.”

While the Veere Di Wedding star’s answer seems perfectly harmless on the surface, it points out at the very flaw in our approach in bringing up our boys. Most Indian men are infantilised by their mothers, who live off the dependency they have created in their sons. For them, their sons stop growing beyond three, hence requiring constant attention, assistance and adulation for the rest of their lives. So when these mama’s boys go on demand similar “caring” from other women, should we blame it on their moms?

How mollycoddling men put them on the pedestal of being demi-gods

Being a mama’s boy is much more than revering one’s mother. From the maternal aspect, it is putting everything in hands, mouth and head of your son which makes him dependent on you for a lifetime.

It is prioritising his whims over everything else. Such behaviour makes a male child believe that he is the centre of the solar system.

As per his mother, the universe comes to a halt, when her son demands something. The result is that men in our country grow up believing that they deserve whatever they want, from the slice of apple their sister is eating, to the classmate who refuses to pay heed to their sexual advances. Men in our country simply do not understand what “no” means, because many mothers fail to teach it to them. Then how does such a man take rejection?

The answer is visible in the exponentially increasing sexual violence against women in our country.

Most mama’s boys cannot stand criticism from women

The infantilisation of Indian male children by their mothers stems from the belief that sons would eventually take care of their parents in their old age. For mothers, who have spent their lives being treated as domestic slaves, their sons are a promise of comfortable old age. There are many mothers-in-law who treat their respective daughters-in-law as a rival. For them she is not their son’s partner, but another woman who may end his dependence on them.

This is why many mothers infantilise their grown-up sons and fuel their growing egos and sanctimonious nature.

Kapoor is wrong in assuming that men who love their mothers have respect for other women. The truth is that they are so used to being adored by their mothers that they find it hard to take rejection or criticism from other women. In India, men often mistreat their wives and loathe their female co-workers because they cannot stand women who shoot their inflated egos down.

So mama’s boys in India may be obedient and loving sons but they obviously don’t make into great husbands. Not unless their mothers teach them to love and respect their partner just like them.

Picture Credit: Indianexpress

Also Read : I Was Molested As A Child, Reveals Sonam Kapoor

Yamini Pustake Bhalerao is a writer with the SheThePeople team, in the Opinions section.  The views expressed are the author’s own