I have been focusing a lot, but couldn’t get down to writing on what Michelle Obama said recently, at the Essence Festival, during a keynote conversation with CBS anchor Gayle King to be precise. Not just because I admire her but because she makes a lot of sense, regarding what a modern day relationship should be like. During the interaction, Obama gave a thoughtful advice; she said “marry your equal”. Adding further she said find an equal who wants, “you to win as much as you want them to win.” How true this is – a winner will help you win and accept your accolades as well.

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

  • Michelle Obama says “marry your equal” someone who wants “you to win as much as you want them to win”.
  • A lovely piece of advice because if either of the spouse is a winner in life then he/she will surely want the other to be a winner like themselves.
  • A spouse should be like a teammate. If you are going to win the game of life together, both have to be strong and be okay with each other being strong.
  • She cautions against a man or woman who wants just the easy person.

Michelle Obama is without a doubt one of the greatest motivators that the world has seen. You look up to her and you see an epitome of power, poise, kindness and glamour. In addition to being an accomplished lawyer, a style icon, and bestselling author, Michelle Obama is also like a mother to all women, who dispenses extremely valuable life advice. When she was the First Lady, I followed her tenure closely, because she didn’t leave any opportunity to use her voice and stature to spread the word about peace and love. And in-between she would give nuggets of wisdom about relationships because as much as her First Lady years were in focus so was her relationship with her husband — former President Barak Obama. Now that she is a best-selling author she still gives out advice.

“Marriage is a choice you make every day; you don’t do it because it’s easy. You do it because you believe in it. You believe in the other person. And ladies and gentleman, that’s why it’s so important to marry somebody that you respect.”

At the above mentioned event, she went on to say, “Marriage is a choice you make every day; you don’t do it because it’s easy. You do it because you believe in it. You believe in the other person. And ladies and gentleman, that’s why it’s so important to marry somebody that you respect,” further adding, “It’s important to marry somebody who is your equal, and to marry somebody and to be with somebody who wants you to win as much as you want them to win.” she continued. What a lovely piece of advice because if either of the spouse is a winner in life or in any sphere then he/she will surely want the other to be a winner like themselves.

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Michelle explained this attitude further, she said, it has some parallel to sports. “My husband is my teammate. If we are going to win this game together, he has to be strong and he has to be okay with me being strong. I do not want a weak player on my team, nor does he. But sometimes, we accept weak in one another because it feels easy. And be cautious of the man or woman who wants just the easy person.”

I am fascinated by the “be cautious of the man or woman who wants just the easy person” bit from her speech. Because isn’t it true that a strong and confident man or woman can only handle a strong and confident partner? A weak and submissive spouse is easy to handle. Food for thought? Yes.

The mutual respect and the importance they give to each other’s point of views, their commitment to each other also comes through when they are together.

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What is it about them — Barak and Michelle Obama that makes us take notice? Is it the way they hold hands, look at and talk about each other or their parenting skills? Well I think it’s a combination of all these and much more. The mutual respect and the importance they give to each other’s points of views, their commitment to each other also comes through when they are together. All the above points are vital in any relationship, because as per Michelle, “a successful marriage doesn’t require a big house, a perfect spouse, a million dollars or an expensive car. You can have all the above and still have a miserable marriage. A successful marriage requires honesty, undying commitment and selfless love at the centre of it all.” They surely walk the talk.

They give us couple goals for sure, for ordinary folks like me it’s an aspirational state of a relationship. But this doesn’t come easy as Michelle herself says, “Good marriages don’t just happen. They are a product of hard work.” She further said marriage flourishes when the couple works together as a team; when both husband and wife decide that winning together is more important than keeping score. I remember reading one vital piece of advice that she gave, she had said that one spouse cannot build a marriage alone when the other spouse is committed to destroying it. Marriage works when both husband and wife work together as a team to build their marriage.

As for me I’ll am already waiting for the next nugget of wisdom from her!

Image credit: New York Post

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Smita Singh is an editor with SheThePeople.TV. The views expressed are her own.

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