Tall? Macho? Trust Fund? What Women Really Want In Men

The word masculinity needs change; it has been stuck in a time warp that seems terribly unfit for the evolving man. The word still conjures mainly the physical aspect of a man, someone with great biceps and stunted with misplaced stoicism. This imagery makes him become a caricature of a creature who is never afraid of anything. He will be unperturbed by flying cockroaches or the mouse hiding in the kitchen corner.

Therefore, women are automatically geared to remain limited in their expectations of the masculine man. But this man must be able to step forward to console you about the flight of the cockroach, which is not as high as that of a kite, and in all this, his voice must be reassuring and always in control, like tummy-tucker knickers that promise perfection and no rolling down under pressure.

What women find attractive

So let’s elucidate the qualities in men that women find attractive. For women, priorities change over time, and the reasons can be as absurd as the mouse in the kitchen, changing the light bulb, to the sharing of fears and expectations from life. But one thing that remains constant is that most of us have a weakness for men who treat us with kindness and also understand the fierce independent streak in us.

Someone who knows how she likes her coffee and the dichotomous nature of a woman’s life, which is never linear. There are layers to womanhood. The man who makes an attempt to understand the flowing nature among us is considered to be at the top of the pecking order.

Truth be told, women don’t particularly give tremendous importance to receiving emotional comfort from men. They realise early on that their girl gang friendship might be a better bet to express their weight issues, effective under-eye cream brands, children’s grades, or the ticking biological clock concerns that are best discussed over a few mugs of coffee or a glass of wine with her friends.

Post the unhinged verbal vomit, it is easier to return to the prodigal man who won’t understand a woman’s emotional needs, and life can be best experienced with such a specimen over the dinner table, discussing the not-so-deep topics of womanhood. We have learnt not to bring up the choice of hair colour or the magnesium pill that has saved many of us from sleeplessness.

This does feel bleak, but there are a few beautiful stories of women who have met their match after kissing a few frogs.

Its in the subtle things

This is the story of Elias, my childhood friend, who is currently glowing in love and deep affection for a man she met on a work trip. Naturally, I was curious to understand how Elias, a woman who is hard to be bullshitted with, suddenly became so saccharine sweet and mushy.

So we decided to meet over coffee, as I was dying to know what and who changed her.

Elias looked blissful as she smiled between her sips of coffee and took a long breath to say, “He took interest in my likes and dislikes!” I thought this wasn’t a big deal.

But as I delved deeper into our girlie conversation, I realised that few men have the patience to take a genuine interest in the emotional labour of understanding the woman in their lives.

Elias said she met him on a work trip to Prague. They were comfortable in each other’s company. She added that he was agreeable with her need for space, yet he was there, making her feel safe and in a sweet spot of romance and companionship.

The turning point for her was when it began drizzling and then became a downpour with nasty winds that broke the solo umbrella they were sharing. The sharp spikes began poking out of the parasol, and without a fuss, he turned the umbrella to his side with the spikes so that it wouldn’t poke her. She said that’s when she fell in love and noticed his thoughtfulness, and like a giddy teenager, her heart wanted to take the risk of getting to know him better. She felt cared for. It was as simple as that.

He held her hand and walked through the cobbled streets, unaware that Elias was finally feeling at home with a man who complimented her on how she looked, spoke about his feelings, and was happy to drink sweet cocktails while listening to romantic songs. His masculinity wasn’t hinged on being strong and not displaying softer emotions.

According to a Lancet study, women’s happiness is reportedly associated with reduced mortality, particularly from heart disease. Happiness among women has significant biological changes, such as in serum cortisol concentration or immune function, that could in turn affect their health deeply.

So finding the right partner may seem arduous, but like Elias, if you can find satisfaction in the smaller and little acts of kindness, the bigger things finally fall into place.

I sat listening to her in rapt attention as her phone flashed, and Elias smiled to say, “He wants to take me to the new play in town.” I was happy for my friend, but the pessimist in me thought, 'Let’s give it time.'

Mohua Chinappa is a poet, author, and runs two podcasts, The Literature Lounge and The Mohua Show. She is a member of a London-based, award-winning non-profit think tank called Bridge India.
Views expressed by the author are their own.