A Beginner’s Guide To Sexting: Tips, Boundaries, And Why It Works

Sex is often compartmentalised—reserved for late-night bedroom encounters. But reigniting intimacy from scratch each time can feel like a chore. That's where sexting—sharing flirty or sexually suggestive messages—comes in. Incorporating dirty talk into daily life can maintain sexual tension and create anticipation. Whether you're in a long-term relationship or exploring something new, sexting helps keep desire alive outside the bedroom.

How Sexting Builds Confidence and Communication

Beyond excitement, sexting improves sexual communication. It’s often easier to say something risqué via text than face-to-face.

• Feel safer trying out taboo fantasies
• Discover what turns you (and your partner) on
• Practice vocalising wants, needs, and limits

Example: It might be easier to type “I want you to…” than say it in person. With time, this builds comfort and confidence in both partners.

Sexting as a Fantasy Playground

You don’t have to act on every fantasy you text. That’s the beauty of sexting—it creates a low-pressure space to explore:

• Roleplay scenarios (e.g., boss/assistant, nurse/patient)
• Taboo kinks or public settings
• Dirty talk you’d hesitate to say out loud

Pro Tip: If something was purely fantasy, follow up: "I enjoyed that sexting session, but just to clarify, it was more of a turn-on to imagine than something I want to try IRL."

Before You Sext: Consent is Crucial

Like any sexual activity, sexting requires enthusiastic consent. Here's what to do before you hit send:

• Ask if they're open to sexting
• Discuss timing and comfort zones
• Ensure they're in a safe space to receive messages

And always triple-check you're texting the right person. Accidentally sexting your coworker or mom? Not hot.

How to Start Sexting: Beginner-Friendly Tips

1. Ease Into It

Don’t go full X-rated in the first message. Try:

• “You looked amazing today.”
• “Can you guess what I’m wearing right now?”

Once the mood is set, slowly introduce sensory or descriptive language: “juicy,” “wet,” “thick,” etc.

2. Get Specific

Use shared memories or fantasies:

• “I can’t stop thinking about how you kissed me last weekend.”
• “I want to try something different next time—maybe with a blindfold?”

3. Use Questions to Engage

Encourage participation:

• “If you were here right now, what would you do?”
• “What’s your biggest turn-on?”
• “Where would you touch me first?

Incorporate Visuals and Audio (If You’re Comfortable)

Words are powerful, but adding a voice note or a suggestive picture can take things further. If you do:

• Avoid showing your face or identifiable tattoos
• Build a gallery of safe pics you’re okay sending
• Only share if there's deep mutual trust

A soft moan or whispered phrase can sometimes be more arousing than anything visual.

Know When to Slow Down or Stop

If your partner is replying with one-word answers or emojis only, pause and say: “I’m really enjoying this, but I want to make sure you’re into it too.” Keep your dignity intact and give them space to engage honestly.

The Importance of Aftercare in Sexting

Just like physical intimacy, emotional check-ins matter:

• Ask what they liked or didn’t
• Clarify any boundaries
• Plan future sessions based on what worked

This builds emotional intimacy, strengthens trust, and ensures you're both on the same page.

Sexting is a form of modern foreplay. It’s not just sexy—it’s an opportunity for connection, experimentation, and expression. When done with consent, creativity, and care, it can ignite chemistry, deepen emotional bonds, and keep relationships exciting.

Views expressed by the author are their own.