Self-Love Is Great; But What If You Still Want A Partner?

We live in a generation where self-love has become the new anthem: “Unless you love yourself first, no one else will be able to love you in a non-toxic way.” And that’s true to an extent. But amid all the self-love and self-awareness, have you ever stopped to wonder: is anyone ever truly healed?

Because if healing is a lifelong process. If life keeps throwing curveballs and you’re consistently being tested, when is the right time to find love? Where is the space for connection? And why do we treat wanting love as though it’s some kind of weakness?

I think we forget that in this era of self-prioritisation, it’s human to desire connection. Just because you crave, want, or even need it at times doesn’t mean you haven’t healed. Love isn’t something you receive as a reward for mastering solitude. It’s something that can coexist — with desire, with ambition, with confidence. And yes, it can also coexist with fear, mistakes, and confusion.

You’re allowed to be a work in progress and in love

If there’s anything I’ve learned recently, it’s this: two truths can exist at the same time. You can be happy on your own and still want a partner. You can enjoy your own company and still miss companionship. And maybe, just maybe, what makes this space so interesting is that it’s not about always “fixing” yourself — it’s about allowing love while you grow.

Let me break that down further.

If what you’re craving is desire or intimacy, but you find yourself in a situation that doesn’t give you that — what feelings come up for you? Is it insecurity? Does your mind start spinning a narrative that isn’t rooted in truth but still feels real? If you’ve had a relationship that didn’t work out, did it break you to your core — and what story did you tell yourself in the aftermath? Did you decide you were unlovable? That you needed to “be better” before anyone could choose you?

Because maybe the more important question isn’t “Am I fully healed?” but “What story am I telling myself about what I deserve?”

And here’s another truth: self love sometimes forgets to teach us how to love another person. We get so good at protecting our peace, holding our boundaries, staying in our own lane — that we forget how to let someone in. We forget that love requires a certain level of risk. Real connection isn’t just about avoiding toxicity; it’s about learning to be vulnerable again. To risk disappointment. To say, “I’m okay alone… but I’m still open.”

Healing isn’t about being perfect or never feeling triggered. It’s about noticing your patterns, your self-talk, and your why. It’s about moving with intention, not just protection. It’s about trusting yourself enough to open the door, even if there’s a chance of getting hurt.

Because maybe the bravest kind of love isn’t just loving yourself or someone else — it’s loving through the curveballs. The kind that, no matter what life throws at you, refuses to give up hope. 

Authored by Shahzeen Shivdasani, Relationship Expert and Author of Love, Lust & Lemons. Views expressed by the author are their own.