The Invisible Orientation: How Society Keeps Skipping Asexuality

Imagine walking into an ice cream shop. You scan the menu—chocolate, vanilla, strawberry, mango swirl, rocky road. Everyone around you is excitedly discussing their favourite flavours, debating the merits of double fudge over caramel ripple. You step up to the counter and say, "I’ll have... nothing, thanks." The room falls silent. Heads turn. The cashier blinks. "Uh, but... you have to pick something?" 

Welcome to the experience of an asexual person trying to explain their orientation to the world. Asexuality, often abbreviated as "ace," refers to a sexual orientation where an individual experiences little to no sexual attraction. Contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t mean they’re broken, traumatized, repressed, or in desperate need of a good romance novel. It simply means they exist in a society that has an unhealthy obsession with who's dating, who's sleeping with whom, and whether or not you’ve found "the one."

Despite an estimated 1% of the population identifying as asexual, mainstream discussions on sexuality often treat it as an afterthought. We have LGBTQ+ representation making strides (albeit slowly) in media, but asexuality remains the cousin no one invites to the family dinner. Why? Because, in a world where sex sells, not wanting sex is just... confusing to most people.

The Many Ways Society Pretends Asexuality Doesn’t Exist:

1. You Just Haven’t Met the Right Person Yet.

Ah, yes, the classic argument. As if asexual people are lost puppies who just need the right owner—sorry, "soulmate"—to finally discover the joys of carnal pleasure. This logic suggests that every personal experience is actually just a minor road bump on the inevitable journey to romantic fulfilment. Not only is this patronising, but it assumes that sexual attraction is a universal human experience rather than, you know, a spectrum.

2. It’s a Medical Problem

While medical conditions can affect libido, asexuality is not the same as a lack of desire due to health issues. No doctor prescribes a steamy date night to "cure" asexuality, just like no one gets a prescription for "try watching more Netflix rom-coms." The insistence on pathologising asexuality is one of society’s many creative ways of refusing to believe that not everyone wants the same things in life.

3. Media’s Grand Tradition of Pretending Aces Don’t Exist

When was the last time you saw an asexual character in a movie that wasn’t portrayed as an awkward, socially inept nerd? When was the last time an ace protagonist was allowed to exist without being "fixed" by the end of the story? Hollywood loves its romantic plotlines, often using sex as the ultimate symbol of character growth. And let’s not even start on how asexuality is often erased in historical discussions, where every single famous figure is assumed to have had a secret romantic or sexual escapade. (Looking at you, historians who insist Emily Dickinson was just waiting for the right man.)

4. Sex-Obsessed Society: Where Even Platonic Love is Suspicious

Modern storytelling has an unfortunate habit of mistaking deep friendships for repressed romantic feelings. Two people of the same gender can’t be close without speculation about their "real" relationship. Two people of opposite genders? Forget it—Hollywood will shove them into a love story faster than you can say "just friends." This makes it difficult for asexual and aromantic people to navigate social expectations, as their relationships are often misunderstood or invalidated.

Why Asexual Visibility Matters

"Why does it matter if asexuality isn’t widely acknowledged?" Well, consider this: If society doesn’t recognize your existence, it makes life unnecessarily complicated. Medical professionals might dismiss concerns. Romantic partners might pressure ace individuals into situations they’re uncomfortable with. A lack of representation means young asexual people grow up feeling isolated, confused, or like there’s something "wrong" with them.

Asexuality needs visibility because all identities deserve to be acknowledged, respected, and normalized. Just as it took time for other sexual orientations to gain mainstream recognition, aces are fighting for a world where they don’t have to constantly explain themselves.

It’s Time to Stop Skipping Over Asexuality

Asexuality isn’t new. It isn’t a trend, a problem, or a joke. It’s a valid, real, and important orientation that deserves recognition. The world needs to stop treating aces like a blank spot in the conversation about sexuality. After all, just because someone doesn’t want a scoop of ice cream doesn’t mean they don’t belong in the shop.

Arunima Suresh is currently pursuing PhD at the University of Kerala. Views expressed by the author are their own. This article is a part of our ongoing series Dissent Dispatch, in collaboration with Usawa Literary Review.