In The Shadow Of War, Army Wives Show Us What Resilience Looks Like

As tensions escalated from Srinagar to Chandigarh to Bhuj, with news punctuated by the ominous wail of sirens and the darkness of blackouts, I lay awake, wrestling with the night. A friend's call pierced the stillness at 10:40 PM, her voice laced with worry as she asked if my husband was home, citing the evacuation at India Gate and rising India-Pakistan tensions. Amidst the chaos, our morning routine transformed—we traded our tranquil tea ritual overlooking the trees for a huddle on the sofa, glued to the TV as we watched the unfolding drama of newsreaders. The gravity of the situation dawned on us slowly, like a creeping fog, as we contemplated the implications of war.

Meanwhile, our 7-year-old's concerns bubbled over like a fountain of innocence, her eyes wide with worry as she asked, "Is it a war situation, Mummy?" The question hung in the air like a challenge, and I struggled to find the right words to reassure her. "What if Pakistan attacks me in school? Where would I find you?" As I grappled with explaining the complexities of war and geopolitics to my child, questions swirled in my mind like a maelstrom - why do wars take place?

Our household's rhythm was disrupted when our house help, Didi, chimed in with folksy wisdom, her words a mix of concern and rustic simplicity. "If it's a war, I'll head to my village, Bhabhi. We'll be safe there. Missiles won't find our town." Her naivety left me amused, yet I couldn't help but feel a pang of concern—would our lives be reduced to a virtual existence again, with my child's school going online and my corporate training hanging in the balance? The uncertainty hung over us like a sword of Damocles.

A Civilian's Gaze into an Army Wife's World

As a civilian whose husband is safe and whose life is largely in order, I felt almost pitiful expressing my worries especially after speaking with a dear friend, Sunaina Singh, who served in the Indian Army for a decade and is married to a serving officer. She shared a poignant insight: "We married our army men out of love, just like any couple. However, for them, their priorities are starkly different. Their love for the country comes first, followed by their troops, and then us - their wives and families. We realised very early in our married life that love for the country is a common dream and pursuit. The Indian Army isn't a corporate entity; it's a family bound by duty, loyalty, and sacrifice. We move as a unit, supporting each other through thick and thin.

As women in these families, we hold a special status and respect. We've learned to be independent, managing household responsibilities and caring for our children when our husbands are away on duty. We become the pillars of strength, keeping the home fires burning. But it's not just about managing the household; it's about keeping the spirit of heroism alive for our children. They look up to their fathers as role models, and we must ensure that we don't let our concerns and fears rub off on them. We put on brave faces, even when anxiety gnaws at our hearts. When the phone rings at odd hours, our stomachs twist into knots. We read the news, watch the headlines, and worry about the future. The uncertainty is palpable, but we stand strong, proud of our men serving the nation. It's a tough, gut-wrenching reality, but we face it head-on, knowing that our loved ones are fighting for a greater cause.”

Prachi Saxena, a psychologist and co-founder of the Emotional Wellness Initiative, who was also a military ex-spouse for 13 years, shared her insights. Having experienced the defence forces from both lenses, she noted that the collective emotion of military families is one of solidarity, carefully regulated anxiousness, and a brave, unfaltering smile as the "sanginis" pack their spouses' uniforms, or tuck away extra paracetamol or their favourite sweet in a corner of their carry-all.

"As a community of military wives, we ensure that we check on fellow wives several times a day and take turns sitting with each other at neighbouring houses. This brave energy is unmatchable; everyone thinks "us."

This stark reality puts my own worries into perspective. While I fret about mundane concerns, they face the daunting prospect of danger and separation, with their loved ones often left to navigate uncertainty alone. Their strength and resilience are truly unmatchable. As civilians, we owe them one thing—heartfelt respect.

Views expressed by the author are their own.