Marriage can be daunting, especially, for women who have to move and settle into a new home. Sometimes, the stress piles up when one has to deal with a controlling husband and in-laws. Imagine having to seek permission to see your own parents, it’s really scary. A woman on Twitter shared her story of controlling family and how it has affected her. A thousand others joined in and highlighted how skewed the power dynamics are in Indian marriage and in our society.
“Sometimes I think about my previous marriage and the smallest things that used to give me anxiety. “My cousin’s visiting the US, can I go meet her?” “A family member’s getting married, would you come to the wedding?” Everything involved ego-stroking, begging, pleading,” she wrote in her tweet.
Controlling Husband, In-Laws
She followed it up with another which highlighted how most Indian men and their families consider it a matter of pride. “There’s nothing to be proud of if you’re controlling a person and stressing them out over inconsequential things,” she wrote in the follow-up tweet.
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Many women commented and voiced how they’d also been controlled by their husbands and in-laws and how they felt alienated. They also elaborated on how it had left them feeling guilt, and regret over their choice. The women opened up about how it had impacted their self-esteem and what effects it has on their new relationships.
“I got regularly beaten up because I stood in the common balcony or my male friends came to visit me when I went home, cause his friends praised me for my cooking and so on & so forth…the list is long. Then I left him and my mom said it’s my destiny and blamed me for leaving him,” a user wrote.
“I’ve faced so much trauma and gaslighting that I didn’t even know that was what was happening until I messed up every subsequent relationship. Of course, that also made me choose the wrong relationship,” another one commented.
Some of the people commented and blamed the women for not leaving the relationships early. It is not always feasible for everyone to leave, not everyone can deal with trauma quickly. “It took a very long time for me to ask for something I wanted, even silly things like going for walking at the park (which I need not ask anyone) out of a bad boyfriend. Trauma is not that simple to get over with,” a user wrote explaining her ordeal.
With more women joining the conversation, Nagarajan spoke about how overwhelmed she was with all the messages. and how saddening it is that so many women relate to her. he highlighted that the women, like men, wanted the same care reciprocated. “I’d give anything just because a loved one wants it. Hurting them hurts me. All we want is for this to be reciprocated,” she added.
Feature Image Is Representative