Tolerating Bad Behaviour: Why Do Women Do It?

Why do women tolerate so much? Tolerate what you might ask? Well, so much negative behaviour from their partners. Women have been tutored to tolerate, compromise, think little about themselves, be men pleasers and this makes women accepting of all kinds of behaviours from men and expect nothing in return.

Isn’t a relationship about give and take? Let me shake you a bit and list out some of the things women tolerate and men get away with.

Someone who talks over you and interrupts

Why do men feel the need to interrupt when she speaks? Have you noticed some husbands even go to the length of completing the wife’s sentences? This constant urge to correct women is annoying and belittling. Will a man tolerate the same behaviour from his wife or girlfriend? This needs to be pointed out and nipped in the bud.

Someone who belittles your career aspirations

Will a man ever compromise or tolerate a woman putting his professional aspirations below anything else? I think not. So, how come women tolerate it if her partner insults their work ethics, mocks her achievements, or even convinces her to turn down opportunities? Please remember it is impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t want to see you succeed. Constructive criticism is one thing or to express frustration if the woman’s career has her ignoring the relationship, otherwise the woman needs to confront the issue there and then.

Someone who ignores your sexual needs or boundaries

Today when marital rape is a hot topic of discussion, something which the courts will decide, it is important to understand that a woman need not tolerate bad behaviour from her partner due to her sexual preference or ignoring her need or forcing her to partake in sexual activity when she is not willing.

Someone who believes looking after home front is a woman’s job

No matter whether the woman earns equal pay or in some cases even higher, men leave looking after the domestic front to the women. Why can’t the man help out with looking after the kids or be a caregiver to his parents or even help out in other chores like laying the table, buying groceries or taking care of laundry etc. Why do women take on so much, why don’t they expect some reciprocation from their partners?

Someone who wants you to change

After marriage or when a man is in a relationship do they change? I don’t think so. But the man will set out trying to change the woman. He tries to isolate the woman from her friends, forces her to abandon her hobbies, tries to change certain personality traits, or other important aspects of her life, saying it’s not part of his family culture then that’s unacceptable. Remember all these things make you who you are just like him and his traits. Real love and respect in a relationship will never attempt to do this.

Someone who gaslights you

A ‘gaslighter’ is a person who tries to convince his partner that she is wrong or crazy when they voice their concerns. This is a typical trait of a controlling partner, he may try to convince the woman that her feelings are unfounded, or just simply respond to the woman’s hurt feelings with, “It was just a joke.” So much so that women start to doubt themselves. Women please do not give in to these tactics, you are much more important.

Someone who controls the finances, even yours

It’s all fine to say we earn for ourselves and our future together but all’s not okay when the man wants to know what you are doing with every penny you earn. Saving jointly or investing for your future is something different but you need not give a report of every rupee you spend. The most controlling behaviour a man can showcase is by tightening the purse strings. This is something women need to be aware of even before getting into a relationship.

Suggested Reading:

Number Of Breakups Do Not Define A Woman’s Character

Someone who judges you

In India still a significant number of marriages are arranged. This means that the man and woman hardly know each other till after their wedding. In such scenarios men usually start judging their wives even go on to body shame them or berate aspects of their personality. In most cases women need to prove themselves to be worthy of her man’s love or place in his household. This is something that a woman should not tolerate. A loving partner should gently and respectfully help their partner be the best version of themselves.

These behaviour traits are not new, they can be found in many people, it’s just that we don’t recognise them as anomalies and go on tolerating them. If these traits are not recognised and addressed right at the start then it can lead to complications in relationships.

The views expressed are the author's own.