"Child Raising Expert, Excellent Cook": Viral Ad Exposes Sexism In Marriage Market

The matrimonial ads section in newspapers has long been the undefeatable cornerstone of regressiveness that pervades Indian society. You will find grooms out on the hunt for brides whose worth can be judged by the colour of their skin or by how gharelu they are. It's exasperating, yes, but hardly provokes any reactive fury since, unfortunately, such sexism is naturalised into our norms.

But a recently published matrimonial ad was so bizarre that it had no choice but to get tongues talking on social media.

A man, as per this viral clipping shared on Twitter, is searching for a wife who is superlative everything. "Very fair, very loyal, very trustworthy... brave, powerful, rich," the ad reads, defining the dream girl of a man from Bihar who, by the way, declares he is "presently not working."

His ad further goes on to pinpoint rather particular dispositions he wants in his wife, highlighted his demand in bold - "extremely patriotic to India with a keen desire to increase India's military and sports capabilities." He adds she should be "an extremist but compassionate," whatever that means, but also "an expert in child raising and an excellent cook."

The man rounds off his shopping list with the predictable caste-religion instruction.

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Now women in India are not strangers to being commodified, both within and outside the marriage market, but this man from Bihar seems to be operating on another level altogether. Is it a caretaker or nanny he is seeking? A stand-in parent who will tend to his domestic and financial needs?

His matrimonial ad is high on chaotic energy. On one hand, his surprising mention of a working wife seems to be veering towards support for gender empowerment but on the other hand, placed within the context of the rest of his ad, it seems anything but.

Since being shared online, the ad has managed to invite a few chuckles for its eccentricity. But beyond the humour, there lies as always a deeply troubling &t=1062s">misogynistic mentality that thrives on boxing women into stereotypes pandering to patriarchy. One of the demands in this man's ad beautifully illustrates this problem, "expert in child raising."

Should the woman he is seeking come having completed a course in motherhood?

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Where at one end we are seeing publications take a strong stand against sexism and colourism that rains on women when they consider marriage by rejecting ads that specify the skin colour of the bride, the other end seems to put up a show of backward progress. With men in India still looking at women as babymaking and household maintenance machines, can we expect female emancipation in this country to surge ahead?

More than being a foundation of love, marriage for Indian women has been the road to renunciation - where they are expected to give up their individuality, independence, voice and agency. Basically, they need to strip themselves of everything that could endanger male dominance before entering their husband's house.

Men, like the one above with the marriage ad, want women carefully tailored to their needs. But tell you what dear men. You are not at a chaat counter and women aren't edibles you can mix and match to your liking. The faster your palate understands this the better.

Views expressed are the author's own.