My Boyfriend is Gay and his Mom says it’s my Fault

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Most often women are considered emotionally week. They fall for the man they think will keep them like their father did, like a princess. My story is also the same. In India arranged marriages are not uncommon. I met this boy last year, we went out several times and we were all set to be married. Initially things were very good. He was excited about all my preparations for his birthday. The day we got engaged one of his friend blocked him, not a girl, but another boy. This boy was in love with him. I had no idea but my boyfriend was aware and he didn’t tell m thing. I respect all the respect LGBTQ community but I do not respect those who hide it to ruin someone else’s life. 

A few days later I don’t know what conspired between them but the gay friend unblocked him and they decided to meet up. My boyfriend, who was a Chartered Accountant, despite his very busy schedule in the month of October (also a month when accounting firms have lots of work) went to meet this friend of his. Even at this point, I had not got much sense of what was going on. But I knew my own relationship with my fiancée was weird. But I had learnt from my parents never to give up on people.

Like every human even I have my flaws, I have made mistakes, so I tried different ways to get his attention. But everything I did would upset him, everything I said was wrong; any discussion was called a fight. He would make me feel like I am hurting him and then would make me apologise for it. His behaviour would change on how friendly and happy would I keep his friends. One night we went out with his friends and I shared my concern about gay friend I am scared of this relationship to fail. Over this one statement he created a scene.

The next day he came to break up with me he picked several random faults, like my father telling him to eat more pizza when he was invited for dinner, sending him food when he had real busy days at work – is sending food and showering love something wrong?

When he would say “let’s go out” I would agree never say no and that led him to call me clingy. I asked him to come for my best friend wedding reception a little early and he said I was demanding. Being very friendly was also a problem. If I shared anything with my friends it was wrong but he shared our every issue with two of his friends. He asked his friends what to type to me to reply. He was so out of it, so out of our relationship. 

I have a name but he would address me in front of my parents as “Your Daughter” while breaking up.

I started thinking where I was wrong, was I wrong in giving him all my time and importance. But once during the break up his dad told me. His mom said to my parents, “your daughter is full of faults, we are not telling you her faults because his father told us no.”

Also Read: I was done with my father’s adultery and abuse

Our engagement broke. I remember there was some fear in his eyes, not for hiding from me but that one chance that I would commit suicide or something. I was devastated, but not to such extent. I thought people will laugh at me but my family was my biggest strength and few of my friends they heard me cry every day and were still patient with me.

This is when I realised I needed to have my own identity. Not one defined by others. I started working on my startup and completed my incomplete book. Few months after the incident I published my first non-fiction book showcasing 116 different career options for women. Parents call me to take sessions with their children to setup their careers. It feels good. I want to tell every girl/ women.

Don’t settle for anyone who makes u feel bad about yourself. You are not known by anyone else besides yourself. You are your identity make it so strong that people can’t think of any way to make you week. Don’t settle with the person who you can’t let you be yourself. Every women must fall in love with herself and with whoever she wants too. Don’t fall for an over educated man with actual no brains of his own. We hear society saying she lost a good family, girls get up and tell that society, “sorry they lost me” 

My disclaimer: I have nothing against LGBTQ community. I believe in all genders and equality. I feel someone should not play with another’s feelings even if they aren’t able to come out of their own.

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