Getting a hold of your life can feel exhausting after a nasty breakup. When a relationship which demanded a lot of emotional investment from a person comes to an end, one ends up wondering if it is worth undergoing the experience again or not. What’s the point of dating someone, if it is only going to lead to heartbreak? But here’s the deal, you can’t let your past experiences define your life in future.
The first step, when it comes to moving on is analysing your own behaviour. All of us have the tendency to find fault in an ex’s behaviour and put the blame for the break up on them. But a relationship is a two-way street and there are certain things both parties could have done differently to make things work.
After you are done mourning, you should take a look at yourself and your behaviour to find those little acts which played a role in paving the path for a breakup. Having said that, this doesn’t mean that your partner shouldn’t be held accountable for their mistakes and toxic behaviour. The idea is to take a rational and healthy approach, to moving on in life.
Moving on after breakup is not just about dating other people
The long-term implications of your partner’s behaviour can have a toll on your mental well-being and insecurities. Small things about your partners change you into the person that you are now. Later this changed person is going to date another person and even before you realise you will keep changing yourself, eventually turning into a stranger that you do not know anymore.
Suggested Reading: Why Women Need To Stop Blaming Themselves For Breakups
So, it is a very important that after a break up we go back to being the person we were. If you choose to keep the good things intact that’s one thing, but you do not have to keep being the version of yourself who had their habits and lifestyle synced with those of a partner who is no longer in your life. For instance: You changed your eating habits because of your ex-partner and even though they are no longer a part of your life, you are keeping what you picked up from them. If it is good for your health, then it makes sense to keep these habits, but if it only helped you be a better partner, then why get rid of this baggage and start afresh?
While breakups are essentially just instances in our lives, they often feel like life-defining moments. Every person has a different way of dealing with the trauma that heartbreak might leave them with. But it does not mean that it’s a free pass for any kind of toxic behaviour with your friends or family. Yelling, pulling things out, and triggering other people are some of the toxic behaviour you can fall into, but you shouldn’t. Cause remember this, it’s an instance in your whole life, and not an instance defining your life.
A lot of people use manipulative behaviour towards their friends and family, or even violence, after breakups as their coping mechanism. But a person leaving your life never justifies the hurt that you might cause to so many other people. It is simply an unhealthy way which makes moving on very difficult and leaves a breakup messier than it could have been.
To sum it up, instead of jumping back int dating after a breakup, take some time off for the simple reason that it’s not worth it to carry the baggage of your unhealed self into a new relationship. It is best to let your wounds heal and start over in a healthy way so that you don’t project your past experiences and traumas onto someone who has nothing to do with it.
Moving on is not just about dating other people, it is also about recuperating in a healthy way, rediscovering friendships, self-worth and hobbies and overall taking the charge of your life back. So don’t let heartbreak turn you into a toxic person, let is shape you into a wiser individual who knows how to bounce back.
Views expressed are the author’s own.
Suggested Reading: Number Of Breakups Do Not Define A Woman’s Character