Challenging: Survey Reveals Mothers Struggle To Bond With Their Child

Motherhood is always described as a blissful experience but it is also one of the most challenging experiences in the life of a woman. The society makes us believe that the motherly instincts will kick in naturally but that is not always the case. Mothers also need to be trained to bond with their child, a challenge that the majority of women face.

Post-birth is a really tough time for a mother, especially for first-timers, as it is not only the physical changes they are dealing with but also mental and lifestyle changes. They have new responsibilities and have to take care of themselves as well as the baby. It is not just about doing the baby's work like changing diapers and giving massages, it is about actually bonding with your child, to understand and connect with them. That is something not everyone thinks about teaching new mothers. That is a major reason why almost 10% of mothers feel like they can't bond with their child properly.

Suggested Reading: Never-Ending Pressure: Mothers Need Support Managing Kids’ Technology Use

Mothers Struggle To Bond With Child: Survey

In a survey conducted by the Parent-Infant Foundation on a group of about 1000 mothers in the United Kingdom, it was found that one out of 10 women struggled to connect and bond with their child. A major part of these women said that they received no support from healthcare staff to deal with it. About 71% of them felt like they didn't get enough support from medical staff when they needed more while 64% of them had no one to talk to about their struggles. This is sad because it affects the mental state of the mothers and eventually affects the newborn as well.

Every pregnancy is different and assuming that the mothers will eventually or naturally develop motherly instincts is an absurd notion. However, this fact does not seem to be understood by people as about 73% mothers said that despite the norms and instructions to inform and guide mothers about child development and emotional attachment to the baby, the medical staff did not provide them with proper information in the initial week after delivery, a time which is mentally and physically very challenging for mothers.

People believe that women are born to be mothers and hence will get attached to their child. However, this is not the case. The first time mothers are not only clueless, but they are also scared and skeptical if they will do something wrong in order to do it right. Changing diapers and feeding schedules can be learnt online but mental challenges and struggles need to be conveyed to people. They are told that they will eventually develop those feelings but when they don't, they feel sad and depressed and think something is wrong with them.

Women who are not first-time mothers are assumed to have knowledge about bonding with their child but what people don't understand is that the child is different, the conditions of pregnancy are different and the mother is also different. Often mothers are shamed for not knowing things or have no one to talk to about their struggles.

There are people who shame women for not bonding with their child or mock them if they can't handle their child. It happens that if there have been failed pregnancies or miscarriages, the mother is traumatised that she doesn't know how to connect with the child. Instead of shaming them, medical staff and family members should come forward and try to understand her worries. They should make her understand that it is alright to not get it right away.

We need to understand that motherhood doesn not come naturally. Mothers also need training and guidance to connect with their child. Medical staff and family members should be there for the mother and help her navigate her emotions and challenges and help her overcome them.

Views expressed by the author are their own