#Opinion

When Married Women Make Money, Do They Love Their Husbands Less?

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When married women make money, how does it impact their marriages? Does their desire for financial independence have anything to do with how much they love their husbands? Or value them? Or respect them as providers? Is it wrong for women to desire financial independence?

If you have ever gone down the deep dark tunnel of meme pages on Facebook or Instagram, you may have come across numerous memes that project women as gold-diggers. A million YouTubers and TikTokers have flourished in our country by reiterating that women follow the trail of money and not love when they seek a relationship. 

Honestly, who in this world doesn’t chase money? But by projecting women as gold-diggers, patriarchy aims to breed insecurity among men. If she gets her own money will she need you? (A million Punjabi songs about women wanting Guccis, juttis, choodiyas, etc are running through my head right now). This co-relation between love and money costs women their ambition because then if you want to make money, it implies that you are not happy with your partner, or whatever he is providing. This couldn’t be farther from the truth.

Fact check: When married women make money, the intent is to not demean their husbands, but to alleviate their financial stress by being financially independent.

For more than four years of our marriage, I was dependent on my husband for every little thing that I wanted to buy. Grocery bills, maids’ salaries, clothes, new gadgets, air tickets, books… everything was paid for by my husband. My earnings as a locum dentist were barely enough to cover the cost of my daily commute to the clinic. After I became a mother, I gave up my practice and eventually opted for a different career altogether. I know from experience how financial dependency hurts a person’s self-confidence. Now that I earn, I feel more assertive in my relationship and life. Has this transition changed my relationship with my husband? Yes. But only in a good way.

For one, I can now understand the challenges he faces in his work life better. I have grown to value the effort that he puts in filing returns, saving and investing for his family, and his financial planning. When you value these things, your respect for your partner grows. How could that be bad for any husband? 

Secondly, a couple will have more things to talk about when both of them are exposed to work culture, its benefits and constraints. And thirdly, when a woman makes her own money, it gives her the satisfaction of not being a burden on her husband. 

Contrary to popular assumption, married women do not “splurge” their money on their fetishes. We learn to save and invest and then we plan our future. Isn’t planning your future together a sign of deeper commitment? Doesn’t it mean that a woman is serious about spending her life with her husband? Clearly, that’s a mark of love and devotion. Isn’t it?

I have grown to value the effort that he puts in filing returns, saving and investing for his family, and his financial planning.

Media and society have stereotyped women as money-minded, calculative, cunning and hostile when in reality a woman thinking about her financial health are no different than a man. In a marriage, the motive at both ends is to make the marriage more comfortable, for a longer duration.

So dear men, and dearest society, just as a woman doesn’t love a man because he will buy her diamonds, a married working woman doesn’t love her husband any less, because she can buy diamonds for herself. Married Women Make Money

The views expressed are the author’s own.