'No Mangalsutra? Husband Won't Be Interested In You': Pune Judge Tells Woman

In South Asia, most married women wear accessories like necklaces, nose pins, rings, and bindis to signify their marital status. However, beyond the cultural significance, these symbols have turned into an obligation for many women. Recently, a disputes lawyer took to LinkedIn to recount a matrimonial mediation, where the Pune district court judge allegedly asked the woman why she was not wearing a mangalsutra or bindi. 

Is It The 'Law' To Wear Mangalsutra?

Ankur R. Jahagirdar claimed that the judge asked, "I can see that you are not wearing a mangalsutra or a bindi. If you don’t behave like a married woman, why would your husband show any interest in you?" The estranged couple had reportedly appeared before the judge for mediation of their domestic violence dispute.

Jahagirdar also shared another incident of a marital mediation. "If a woman is earning well, she will always look for a husband who earns more than her and will never settle for someone who earns less. However, if a man who earns well is looking to marry, he might even marry a maid who washes utensils in his house. Look how flexible men are. Don't be so rigid," a judge allegedly told the woman."

Jahagirdar told Bar and Bench more about the second incident. "When the mediation happened between the parties back in 2023, one of the big reasons why it failed is because the mediator judge made those offhand remarks and was extremely rude and dismissive about the woman’s issues. The client even cried during the mediation because of the environment created by the judge."

Similar Judgment: Madras High Court Believes Removing Mangal Sutra Is Mental Cruelty

In July 2022, an Indian High Court ruled that the removal of mangalsutra is "mental cruelty of highest order". The judgement in question came during the case of a man seeking a divorce. When granting the divorce to the aggrieved petitioner, the bench made the observation that mangalsutra symbolises and holds a great deal of importance in a Hindu marriage.

When the woman was examined, she admitted that at the time of separation, she removed her thali chain (sacred chain worn by the wife as a token of having married). Though she proceeded to explain that she retained the thali and only removed the chain, the act of removing it had its own significance.

Her counsel, by referring to Section 7 of Hindu Marriage Act submitted that tying of thali is not necessary and hence its removal by the wife, even assuming it was true, would not have any impact on the marital tie.

But, it is a matter of common knowledge that tying of thali is an essential ritual in marriage ceremonies that takes place in this part of the world, the bench pointed out.

"Thali around the neck of a woman was a sacred thing which symbolises the continuance of married life and it is removed only after the death of the husband," the bench further added.

The observation went viral on Twitter – with many asserting that a woman's agency to choose what she wears cannot be equated with "cruelty."

But in this day and age, do women really have agency or choice? At one end of the world, women are fighting for rights for their own bodies and at the other end, we deal with fragile male egos.

Usha Balakrishnan, an author and historian specialising in Indian jewellery and culture, once mentioned that there is no mention of jewellery that indicates one’s marital status in India’s ancient texts. However the concept of a “sacred thread” in the marriage ceremony can be traced back to the fourth or fifth century AD. “This was typically a white woven cord worn around the neck, dipped in turmeric periodically,” she said. “The rationale was for the woman wearing it to benefit from the turmeric’s antibiotic properties, especially for childbearing.” As the practice faded away for women, the sacred thread was adapted as tiru-mangalam or mangal sutra to “sanctify a woman’s marital status and accord her social recognition."

My Personal Relationship With The Mangalsutra

I got married in December 2021, and much to my mother's disappointment, I hardly wear a mangalsutra. Disappointment might be a strong word here, she is just mildly discontent with me vehemently not agreeing to wear the chain on a day-to-day basis. I bring it out from my safe drawer only during important occasions like festivals.

Mangalsutra, considered to be a sacred piece of necklace, is worn around by Hindu women as a symbol of their marriage; because they believe it confers longevity on their husbands. It is a simple but thick gold chain with a rectangular pendant, embossed with different symbols based on family traditions. The chain is meant to be long so that the pendant falls deep into a woman’s chest, hidden from prying eyes. Mine is a small, round chain with black beads and has a diamond pendant but mom's mangalsutra is decorated with an engraving of our ancestral goddess' name.

Months before my wedding, I and mom travelled across the town to buy the chain together. Long, short, textured, chains with colourful beads, with black beads, chains with detachable pendants; there were so many options. However, all throughout the shopping spree, I kept thinking why do only women have to wear these symbols of marriage - sindoor, toe rings and the thali (mangalsutra). Isn't the whole purpose of this jewellery to show that they are taken and are absolutely wholeheartedly loyal? Then why don’t men wear a noose-like thali around their necks that reiterates the same things?

A month ago, my mother brought yet another piece of jewellery, a black beads bracelet under the guise of mangalsutra. Her point of argument was I can ditch the necklace if it doesn't go with my attire, but a bracelet shouldn't create a hindrance to the tradition. It is put away in my safe too. I might wear it someday or perhaps not, not because I have to but if I want to if that is what I choose. A piece of jewellery certainly cannot define my relationship with my husband.

Views expressed by the author are their own.