Am I Worthy Or Not? Ladke Wale Don't Get To Decide That

In our society, ladke wale get the right to decide the future of a woman. Whether a woman is eligible for a good groom is decided by them who judge women through the lens of their privilege. As soon as women reach their marriageable age, ladka walas become the gem dealer who determines the worth of women. Women’s families run behind the ladka walas to get their “gem” sold off. But dear society, why are ladka walas given so much importance? Why do they get to have the upper hand when it comes to determining the worth of a woman?

After crossing the average age at which women in our society normally get married, marriage talks have become very common in my family. “Your time starts now,” said my father when I discussed about my marriage plans. Though I was very clear on the point that I am not ready yet to get married, my parents insisted on considering the fact that by the time I am ready, I might lose the chance of getting a good groom. “To get an average-looking woman married, it is important to start looking for a man at least two years before,” said my mother. “But I won’t get married until a man seeks me,” I retorted. “Beta,” said my father, “in our society, men do not come looking for women. Women look for grooms.”

Why does ladke wale have a upper hand in my life?

It was utterly disturbing how parents in our society let &t=1158s">marriage and the standards of ladka walas determine their daughters’ worth. Ladka walas, who didn’t even exist until a woman reached her marriageable age, become the centre around which the life of that woman starts revolving.  Whether a woman is beautiful or not, whether her career is acceptable or not or whether her character is good or not- everything is determined by the acceptance and standards of the ladka walas. I don’t even remember how small I was when I got this idea in my head that my career choice is not good because my future in-laws won’t approve of it. Or that my looks, my weight and my dark colour were a burden on my family as they would make the groom-hunting process very difficult.

Why is a woman’s life determined by how the ladka walas perceive her? Why can’t society let women be? Why is it necessary for a woman to get acceptance in the eyes of the unsolicited judgements of the ladka walas? In fact, what makes ladka walas so privileged? What gives them the right to grade women’s life choices?

The answer to this is male privilege. It is because of this that ladka walas have an upper hand in marriages. They are valued for possessing a beta who sits on the throne of power and privilege because of his gender. They are valued for stepping into the marriage market for accepting and carrying the burden of a woman. And because of all this, their wants and opinions are very keenly observed by women’s families to grab the chance of being under the shade of privilege.

But dear families, women have the right to make their own decisions. Their choices, whether good or bad, need not be validated by ladka walas. They are just outsiders who have no idea how much a woman has struggled in life. They can’t make decisions about a woman’s entire life in minutes or in hours. Moreover, a woman is not indigent for anyone’s approval to live as per her own choices. Whether a woman wants to marry or not, whether she wants to earn, everything depends on her choice and not on others’ requirements. Whatever a woman achieves or loses is her personal matter and not a piece of news to pass judgment on. A woman lives for herself, achieves for herself and loses for herself. And not for acceptance in the community of the ladke wale.

Views expressed by the author are their own.

Suggested reading: Marriage and Motherhood Are Choices Not Obligations, Respect it!