#Opinion

How Boyfriends Control Their Girlfriends’ Lives In The Name Of Being Possessive

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Look around and you will find that the life of women is mostly controlled by the men in their lives. Here the word ‘control’ covers up all physical, mental, and psychological control. From the moment she is born to the point she enters a relationship and eventually marries- it is men who shape the lives of women, based on what they deem to be right. Romantic relationships are not an exception here.

A friend of mine, who hails from an orthodox family, was happy and excited to find the new man in her life would ‘let her’ do what she wants. Fast forward three years, now her life completely revolves around that man. He decides when she can wear short clothes, with whom she can hangout, and by what time she has to be back at her hostel. This passiveness with which he took over control of her life is unfortunate and completely blindsided her.

A new relationship can be equally exciting and scary for both parties involved. But many times a woman in a relationship has to conform to the needs of her partner. It is as if she is taking the control of her life from men in her family, only to pass it on to this new man in her life. For instance: The woman who challenged her father’s dictate on how she should dress, might end up dressing ‘modestly’ due to her new partner’s wish. She won’t think twice before flouting the curfew timings at her house but will have to give an account of every minute spent outdoors to her boyfriend. Physical control exerted by patriarchs in the family can swiftly be replaced by psychological control exerted by a boyfriend and a woman would only realise what happened with her when it is too late.

How boyfriends control girlfriends

No matter what web series and films want us to believe, relationships are not equal even in this day and age. People do claim that sharing the household chores and bringing matching paychecks to the dinner table has improved gender dynamics in their relationship. But do ask yourselves, who get is make crucial choices in your relationships, especially your life? Men still have the privilege to choose what household chores they want to do and what percentage of their partners’ income will be invested or spent. It is as if the right to make choices is fundamental for men while for women it is a privilege.

Women often ignore the initial red flags in a new relationship and oblige when the new man in their life establishes rules and norms for them, because they seem different form the ones imposed by their families. Boyfriends of establish these new oppressive dynamics in the name of being possessive or protective. I care about you. I am worried for you. I can’t let anything bad happen to you. Trust me, I know.

It is high time women learned to identify these red flags and knew how to deal with it. Women have to make it clear from the start that protectiveness or possessiveness are both toxic traits which are detrimental to a relationship. Advice is welcome, dictate is not. Only when men learn that women today refuse to be treated like pricey objects that need to be protected will they realise that they need to back off. Men need to relearn how a relationship works and letting women live on their own terms has to be a big part of this process.

The views expressed are the author’s own.


Suggested Reading: Dear Women, Stop Dating Toxic Men Thinking That You Can “Fix” Them


 

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