In the country where Kamasutra originated from, how often do you hear people talk about a woman's sex life and orgasm? When it comes to women, sex is more of a duty towards their partner than their pleasure. Sex ends at your male partner finishing. Most women don't even know that they can experience orgasm too and those who know are too scared and hesitant to even ask their partner for it. And those who even ask for it feel this guilt that why should their partner do so much to satisfy them? And this is not just the case of uneducated, underprivileged or backward women, you will see that fully educated, independent women are also scared to express and embrace their sexual needs too.
We grew up in a society where a woman having multiple sexual partners to satisfy herself is slut shamed. A woman masturbating is looked down upon. It is such a normal phenomenon for guys to jerk off but if you hear the same about women, there is some discomfort, or at least some shock, like it's some bad or abnormal thing to do.
I wonder why is not having a good sex life with your husband/boyfriend a good enough reason to separate. I remember when I was 12 years old my mom said to me that we women are wired in a different way when it comes to sex. A man can sleep with any/many women for his sexual needs but a woman would only sleep with a man she loves. Guess what? As a 23-year-old now in the year 2023, I totally disagree. Sex can be an act of love for all genders and similarly, it can be a need/desire irrespective of gender.
There is a reason why polygamy is not so common in India, because it is easy for the society, even for other women to understand that oh that man needs more than one woman in his life to be satisfied but the man himself being polygamous cannot see his partner sleeping with someone else.
Why is love associated with ">sex all the time? Why cannot I love one person but I like to have multiple sexual partners? And it does not even have to be about that your partner does not satisfy you, why does it have to be their fault, why can't we just own the fact that women have sexual desires and they would also like to get pleasure in their life.
Can we as a society just stop treating our daughters, girlfriends, and wives' vaginas as some precious gold given from one master to another, ironically the vagina holder mostly do not have much control over the possession in their entire lives?
The first time when I experienced an orgasm, I did not even understand what it was, this thunder running through my legs, my soul leaving my body, I felt like there is something wrong with my body or I'm very sick.
Good Sex life matters: stop stigmatising female Orgasm
I've met so many women in my close circle who judge other women for being able to think about their pleasure and ask for it. I remember telling one of my friends that I like masturbating and she looked at me in this shock and wide eyes, one because I do it, two because I do it even after having a boyfriend. I expressed to her how amazing and powerful it feels to be able to give yourself this epitome of pleasure and not be dependent on anyone else. Another friend told me how she is okay going down on her partner but she does not even dare to ask him to do the same. She said that it's not that I'm scared of him, it is a fear within myself, that I'm not beautiful, and he might not like doing it. When women themselves think like this, how do we expect the man to be okay with the phenomenon of being a giver in bed and not a taker?
Women need to own their bodies and society needs to stop judging women for their sexual choices. A person cannot be deprived of the freedom to explore their sexuality just because of their gender. It would be beautiful to be a part of a world where women don't just read and write about orgasm but also get to feel it.
Views expressed are the author's own.
Vidushi Gupta is Catalogue Data Associate at Amazon.
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