Breakups essentially are just a few moments of our lives. But they feel like an eternity. Sometimes quick and painless or sometimes gut-wrenching and destabilising. They definitely take a toll on oneself. After all, we have filled in spaces in our own souls with memories that we no longer own. And there’s the advice offered by sitcoms and romcoms. They’d tell us to sink in a warm blanket with a tub of chocolate ice cream and watch back to back movies in our PJs. But honestly, once we sink in there, we start getting comfortable with living in our comfort zones. But this comfort zone is toxic for us, our relationships, our mental health, and our careers. So here’s how you can get over bad breakups the right –
1. Acknowledge what you’re feeling
Yep, sounds too basic. But this is the very first step to get into the right shoes for healing yourself. Sit with yourself. Talk to yourself. Know your feelings. Know the cycles that you often experience. The irony in this is that we rely on Google to understand what and how we should feel in a certain situation. Hun, the internet doesn’t know you better than you do. So trust yourself. And be your own guide. Ask yourself.
What do I feel? Sad, hurt, betrayed…..or maybe relieved, like a weight got off my chest.
Why do I feel so? Maybe that person was an essential part of my routine. I loved him/her. I trusted and got betrayed.
Now tell yourself that what you feel is natural and there’s nothing wrong with it. Yes, we’re sad. But it’s not permanent and this phase is going to pass soon.
2. Be in charge of your feelings
A person betrays you. And you let them take your peace? Why do you give the power of influencing your life to someone else? Why aren’t you in charge of your life and your feelings? Isn’t it dumb to actually let the bad doings of someone else ruin your mental peace? And it’s okay if we do it without knowing it till now. But now you know. So tell yourself that,” That’s enough. I can’t let the people around me drive me crazy. I am my own person. And I am capable of choosing what should impact, influence, and inspire me“. Yeah, the backseat is cute and comfy. But it’s time now, take the steering wheel.
3. Cut out the toxicity
Now that you’re in charge of your feelings, make a note to cut toxic people and toxic habits out of our life. Even if it’s your family, relatives, friends, or those toxic habits you have like blaming yourself, trying to change the way you look because you want to look cool to others and all. Cut it out. Try meditating for healing yourself. And remember that this isn’t a one-day thing where you burn the photo of your lover and flush it. It’s a process. That becomes a lifestyle. So choose a sustainable lifestyle for yourself and practice it day in and day out.
4. Rebuild yourself
You were designing a house in the clouds. Decorating its walls and gardens. But now it’s trembled down to the earth. And I’ll tell you why. You were building something else and trying to find your happiness. While a relationship is not a plant. You are. You are a plant residing with another plant in a single planter when you are in love with someone. This is going to be about watering yourself without taking away the other one’s sun. It’s about growing at the same speed and staying strong through the rains. And it’s about waiting and waiting and continuously working towards holding each other in the roots. You cant do it instantly. It takes time.
Now in such situations, there’ll be transplanting shocks and it is okay. Trust the process. Give yourself the time to heal and rebuild on what’s lost.
5. Positive Outlook
Sounds cliche, yeah I know. But this is the most important lesson that I want you to know. It’s like looking at the legendary painting of Monalisa by Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci. The painting is so special because of its ‘uncatchable smile’. Sometimes it looks like she is smiling and sometimes she’s crying. It’s on you how you want to see the painting. The same applies to your situation. It’s on you how you want to get over a bad breakup.
Ever heard about the ‘Law of Attraction’? It’s about believing in what you want and the universe would hand it out to you. Trust me, it works. Takedown your goals and believe that they can be achieved. Believe in the fact that you are going to do great. And run towards your goals. Don’t sit and cry around. Be the change you want to see.
Now the decisions like ‘do I delete that person?’, ‘block them ?’, ‘run to the gym’, or ‘get a summer body?’ are up to you. ‘Cuz you are a strong person who knows what you want and you chase it without any fear. To conclude, remember to chin up and face it.
Views expressed are the author’s own. None of this advice is medically guided. Please consult a counsellor for detailed inputs.