Healthy Start to Married Life: These Are Must-Have Conversations For A First Night

It is perfectly okay if you are not comfortable with wedding night sex, you have got the whole married life for that. But to know each other inside out is important before starting the married life even if that requires multiple conversations. 

Rudrani Gupta
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Wedding nights always come with expectations. Some from the bride and the groom and others from their family members. But wedding nights are the times when couples finally admit that now they are going to live together. They will now share their beds, bathrooms and time. So shouldn’t this time of a big transition in life involve some important conversations rather than jumping right into sexual intimacy as the tradition has set? Shouldn’t wedding nights be about knowing each other personally and getting the priorities set before the new dawn and the new life as a married couple begins? Some couples might be comfortable with wedding night sex but not all. So here are a few conversations that you must have on a wedding night

  1. Complement each other

Of course, people wear the best look at their weddings. The air on the wedding day is filled with compliments and judgements of guests about the bride and the groom. But no comment on looks will be as impactful as the one that comes from the partner one is marrying. Amidst the hustle and hassle of the wedding ceremonies, not every couple manage to sneak in a compliment for each other. But when every ritual is over and couples reach their room, that time is their own. So use this moment to look at each other and compliment about the dress, makeup and the overall look. Because good complements always create good memories and a happy relationship.

  1. Share childhood memories

The basis of the conversations on a wedding night is to build a connection with your partner, to find a friend in your husband/wife. To begin this new friendship, share the best and worst memories of your life. But don’t get disappointed if your partner doesn’t feel free to share their memories. It is to ease the hesitation and make each other comfortable that these conversations are meant for.

  1. Never had sex or not ready for it? Say it

Traditionally, wedding nights are supposed to be a legitimate time when a couple gets sexually intimate with each other. But it is the same tradition that pressurises the bride or the groom and blurs the thin line between consent, desire and obligation. So, in order to change the tradition, it is important to initiate a conversation. If you haven’t had any sexual experience before, it is natural to feel pressure to meet your expectations and your partner’s. Or else, it is also common if you are not comfortable to have sex with your partner because before that you want to know them better.


So a couple should feel free to talk about these choices in sex life on wedding nights. Discuss your nervousness and don't sideline it as something normal. After all, it will eventually lead to unsatisfied desires and expectations, apprehensions, and sex-less marriage in the longer run. This conversation will not only calm the pressure but also develop a bond that values mutual understanding, consent and desires.

Also Read: Should sex on wedding nights be an obligation or a choice?

4. Talk about future plans, priorities and thoughts

For a marriage to sustain, it is imperative to know each other’s priorities and plans about the future. In our society, even today, there are families that expect women to lose their job after a certain point of time in marriage. Rather they are expected to give time to the family and housework. Some marriages are even built on unknown lies that family members said to the groom or the bride. So on wedding nights, initiate the conversations on future plans and priorities. Tell about your likes, dislikes, career, its challenges and how much it can keep you engaged. Discuss your priorities in life and find a solution to manage without compromising your priorities or expecting your partner to adjust.

  1. Childbirth and protected sex

It is common in Indian families to expect that a couple gets pregnant within a year after marriage. But don’t let that pressure decide sex life in your marriage. On the wedding nights, you can talk to your partner about continuing protected sex until you are ready to get pregnant. Open up about your thoughts on childbirth or family planning and feel free to talk about planned pregnancy or no pregnancy at all. Because if these conversations are delayed, it might lead to unwanted pregnancies, pressure on women to continue nevertheless and the consequent stress.

  1. Promise to support each other through every ups and downs

In a traditional wedding, there are vows that a bride and a groom take for each other at the aile. But often, for a relationship to survive, vows outside of aisle are significant. On wedding nights, vow to respect each other’s priorities, jobs and personality. Promise to not give in to the social stereotypes and form prejudices about each other. Promise to support and understand each other even when the connecting thread weakens and wears off, whether it is of love or of life.

Yes, it could be possible that you have had these conversations before agreeing to marry each other. But there's always a chance to know more about each other. And it is okay if you are not comfortable with wedding night sex, you have got the whole married life for that. But to know each other inside out is important before starting the married life even if that requires multiple conversations.

Views expressed are the author's own.

Also Read: Should A Wife Husband Have Similar Set Of Priorities In A Marriage?

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