'Fix You' Mentality, Bad Temper: Women's Guide On Deal Breakers In Dating

No matter how comfortable or close you are, there are always some things that you don't want your date to possess, like a habit or mentality

Avishka Tandon
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Relationships can get really complicated if you don't set boundaries and limits. No matter how comfortable or close you are, there are always some things that you don't want in your date to possess, it can be a habit, a mentality or a substance.

We see men being open and clear about what they want in the girl they date. From body size to interests, hair colour to education, men have always been given a wide variety to choose from and decide their own 'types'. Women, on the other hand, have always been told to settle and adjust. They are taught that they cannot predict the type of husband they will get and hence, should prepare for the worst. They are called 'demanding', 'shameless' and 'discriminating' if they reject a guy because he is not their type. This mentality of Indian society needs to change and women should have more say in the men they will be dating or marrying.

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Deal Breakers In Dating

A Reddit thread on @AskReddit asked the users, "What is a dealbreaker when it comes to dating?" and the comment section was filled with responses from ladies who have been judged to have clear boundaries. A Reddit user wrote, "A ‘fix me’ person. I will support you to be your best. But I am not responsible to fix you." It largely happens in Indian households that women are expected to fix their man and bring him on good path. They are equally blamed for not helping him ditch his wrong ways. It seems men are in search of a 'Bob The Builder' who will keep her mental health aside and help them fix their life.


Another thing that Indian girls can relate to was mentioned in this comment by a user that read, "When u notice that they want to change you into ways they like more, subtle hints at start but progressively they get more ballsy". When an Indian guy starts dating you, he will want you to be more outgoing, bold and modern. However, after a few years in a relationship, when he wants to introduce you to his parents, he wants you to change into an obedient and traditional girl. If you wanted a girl with traditional beliefs, you should have dated one, why date a modern girl and manipulate her to become traditional. But then again, they want a modern girlfriend but an old-fashioned wife.

Other comments included traits like "Littering" and "Flat Earther" which are true for the majority of Indian men. Women are expected to clean after their husband's mess and provide them with everything they need. They also have to cope with their old age and patriarchal thoughts that were nowhere to be seen while their dating phase. Hence, before dating a guy, make sure he knows how to clean his shit and has similar thoughts as you do.

A comment read, "If you expect me to excuse shitty behaviour because of the position the stars were in when you were born." Indian people often blame their problems on kundalis and stars. The patriarchal society doesn't accept that a man is responsible for his behaviour, failures and outcomes which is ridiculous. So dating a person whose entire life revolves around birth charts and star positions can be problematic.

"Bad Temper" is what was written in another comment and this is the scenario of almost every household in India. The man is often seen shouting and getting angry and it is excused as him being under stress. However, when a woman does that, she is called uncultured and a home-breaker.

All these comments showcase the double standards that women have to face when they date a guy. They are called demanding and difficult for expressing their needs and wants which is a big red flag. Instead of getting judged for their choices, it is important for girls to know that they have the right to decide what they want and don't want in a partner. It can be as trivial as cleaning or as criminal as domestic abuse.

Views expressed by the author are their own.

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