#Personal Stories

No, I Have No Marriage Plans. And I Need My Friends To Stop Saying These 7 Things

Not All Men, toxic things men do, Men As Equal Partners, Friendship Boundaries, toxic friendships, things my friends say

As a woman who has always been single and independent, the very thought of a committed relationship and marriage scares me. At least for now. And while we grapple with our own predicament, it’s hard to be someone  with ‘no’ marriage plans in your friends group.

When my friends hear of my disinterest in marriage, instead of wanting to know why, they are too busy convincing me of why I should consider it.

7 things I want my friends to stop telling me when I say I have no marriage plans

1. Shaadi kaise nahi karogi?

Shaadi is considered a milestone. I have never understood why. As if we were raised, fed, educated to eventually be propped up as brides.

I also fear the idea of marriage, since most of them happen because ‘time is running out,’ or ‘you will need to freeze your eggs.’ The rush to get this done, means a lot of marriages happen without consent.

In India, 90 per cent, marriages are arranged by parents. Do you think all of these marriages turn out to be happy ones? Absolutely not. Just because marriages are thought to be a “commitment for life” in India that divorce rate here is only 1.1 per cent. Separation in our country is seen as a taboo and that’s why couples continue to suffer in unhappy marriages. So if I choose not to get married at the first place, I won’t have to go through the troubles of separation as well.

2. Think about your future generation

If marriage is considered a goal, the next one on the list is always motherhood. What if I got married and decided not to have children? Giving birth might not be a “wholesome” experience for every woman. All of them don’t dream of being addressed as a mother.

It’s ridiculous how women still need to clarify their choice of not having children and get judged for it. Dear friends, it’s okay if you think of me as being selfish for taking control over my own body. But I would never let others decide what I should do with it.

3. Are you gonna live with cats all your life?

What’s wrong with that? As an animal lover, I would love to feed and take care of homeless creatures. If I can serve them without expecting anything in return, what could be more beautiful than that. Anyone interested in joining me is always welcome.

4. Staying single is tough

On the contrary, it’s easier to stay single. You don’t have to constantly worry about someone else and you are free from a lot of responsibilities. The time you would be spending with another person is all yours. The best thing about being single is you need not give justifications to anyone regarding anything you do.

5. Do you want to die a virgin?

Is that supposed to be a sin? Sex might be great but only for those who genuinely enjoy it. Just like there’s no harm in having too much of sex, there’s also no harm in having no sex at all. Let’s all accept that not everyone is waiting to get sexually active. All of us might not be comfortable with the idea and it’s fine. Women have the right to decide whether or not they want to lose their virginity. Just be responsible about your bodies and make sure no one gets to exploit you or take undue advantage of you.

6. Every woman says that

Here comes a stereotypical remark women with no marriage plans have to face. First of all, definitely every woman doesn’t say this. There are women who actually have great plans for their wedding and that’s fine. But if a woman does not dream of becoming a bride, who gives us the right to shame them? Secondly, do you understand why women are choosing to stay single? It’s because they want to avoid the hassles a marriage brings with it and we must respect them for defying conventions and taking a firm decision.

7. You will change your mind

Maybe I should not rule out this possibility because age and experience help us take mature decisions. But at the same time, I would not declare it as an obvious fact. As of now, all I want from my friends is their cooperation and not assumptions about me and my future.