Maa ka ladla: Dating or marrying a man who is a raja beta could put you in a complex situation. He might prioritise his mother before you. He might even compare you with his mother and expect you to fit in with his idea of a loving woman that is similar to his mother. His mother’s presence might become too large in your relationship that it affects the decisions that should be made as a couple. And of course, he might depend on his mother to get small tasks done like finding socks to ironing clothes.
Being with a man who is maa ka ladla can disrupt the balance in the relationship: you might feel left out or suffocated in a relationship that doesn’t give you space and value. Unless you demand the balance which you rightfully deserve from your partner. So here are some ways to deal with a Maa Ka Ladla
Establish boundaries and balance
The first thing to do is to make your partner understand that though you love him, you cannot stand the lack of boundaries between your private space as a couple and his mother. Ask him to establish a boundary beyond which his mother cannot interfere or influence the time, discussions and decisions that the couple makes together.
2. Make him do the housework on his own
Understandably, men who are maa ka ladla are brought up as a man who is the centre of the universe. He might have never felt the need to polish his shoes because it was already done for him. But as an empowered partner, make him unlearn the patriarchal upbringing and ask him to do his won task. Tell him that he cannot expect his wife/girl-friend to do the housework just because he is a man and she is a woman. Doing your laundry and cooking your food is the symbol and basic need to be an independent and capable human.
3. Ask him to respect the priorities and equality in the relationship
Your partner might be used to prioritising his mother and seeking her approval even in intimate issues that you face as a couple. So a way out of this is to make your partner understand the importance of equality and mutual understanding in relationships. Ask him to prioritise your concern and choices and respect equality in the relationship.
4. No more comparisons of you with his mother
Often, your partner might compare the food that you make or anything that you do for him with how perfectly his mother used to do it. This is rooted in the idea that your partner might have a singular definition of a loving or caring woman. Ask him to broaden his mindset, unlearn these ideas and accept you as you are rather than forcing you to fit in or change. Tell him that one of the tenets of a relationship is to respect the love and efforts of each other and return it with equal devotion.
5. His mother could be wrong
If your partner shares a close bond with his mother, he won’t easily accept that his mother could be at fault. While it cannot be denied that the bond that you share with his mother might not be as special and could be strained. So try to make him realise that yes his mother could be wrong and he should not take her side and encourage her wrong behaviour. There is no issue if your partner supports his mother but he should be responsible enough to question when she is wrong. He should equally prioritise your concerns too. <Picture Credit: A sill from Two States>