Marriage Is About Companionship, But Why Is Having Children The End Goal?

One of the many things I have learned the hard way is that many people want to get married just so they can have offspring. And if you're not planning on having children, that's a huge dealbreaker. But isn't marriage about companionship, first and foremost? Why is the end goal of a marriage often connected to having children?

I’m a divorced single mom in the quest of finding a compatible partner on a matrimonial platform. A lot of men I interacted with were divorced and had children from their previous marriages. The majority of the profiles mentioned that the children were staying with their ex-spouse.

These are men who are on a matrimonial platform after their previous marriage ended for some reason. They are most likely in their 30s and trying to find a compatible partner to share their lives with. Why aren't they mature enough to understand what marriage really is? These men have a child from their previous marriage, and I have one from mine. While most of them have no issues with my child staying with me, they also want to have another child of their own.

Having Children Not End Goal

Considering that the men I spoke with already had a child from their previous marriage and they weren't playing a significant role in that child’s life, I was hesitant for several reasons. If they aren’t taking responsibility for their own child, what is the guarantee that they will take responsibility for the next one?

Then there is a second category of men who are divorced but don’t have children from their previous marriage. I always make my stance perfectly clear that ">I have no intention of having another child because I don’t want to lead them on with false hopes. And bam! That’ll be the end of the conversation. Some men make it clear that they are looking forward to having children, and I respect their choice.

However, there are also some men who try to convince me to have a child with them. Isn’t pregnancy a choice? Given that I’m the one who has to carry the child and deliver it, I don’t understand why my "no" is not accepted. I understand if they don’t wish to take this rishta forward, but what’s the deal with negotiating? What makes them think that I’ll change my decision if they persuade me to?

Just to make it clear, yes, I have a child from my previous marriage. Although I’m grateful that I’m a mother, I’m not physically or emotionally ready to have another child. I don’t need to have a medical reason to back it up. It’s a personal choice. Why isn’t that choice being respected? Why should my chances of finding a partner seem futile because I’m not ready to have another child?

Is marriage only about procreation? Children are going to grow up and move on with their own lives. Of course, children and grandchildren visit, or some people live as a joint family, but at the end of the day, a couple is going to be together on their own. Marriage is more about sharing your life with a compatible partner. The "choice" of whether or not to have children comes second. How long is society going to take to accept and normalise that?

What will it take for society to realise that marriage is about companionship and not simply a means to have children? People say I ask for too much but I believe I respect myself to uphold my standards.

Views expressed by the author are their own.

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