I Love Spending Time By Myself. Could You Spare me the ‘Poor Girl’ Stares?

self-love after lockdown, happy alone, single by choice

Enjoying your own company in a nice little posh café minding your own business while the world around you sits in two or groups chatting their time away, while you introspect and enjoy the silence. Is it weird? Absolutely yes. Only losers do that. It is social suicide. You are not one of those loners’ people will talk about: “That poor girl”. She is so lonely…The weird thought of everyone staring at you with sympathy makes you feel like a criminal of some sorts.

You would not be so self-conscious if you knew that how rarely others have time to notice others. There are phases in life when you feel to spend time the way you want. It is freeing to have total control over your own schedule without having to adjust for someone else. It is not weird at all. You can eat alone by minding your own business. Unless and until you are playing metal songs on full volume and disrupting their space, no one will care or notice what you are doing.

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It is nice to wander without an ulterior motive. Give yourself a chance to find company within yourselves. You will be awestruck at the wonderful memories you will make with complete strangers and the sheer magnanimity of kindness you will witness from people you least expected. It can help you realise you are okay on your own. You do not need anyone else to accompany you to do something you like. You are always enough! There is always something so appealing about this experience. I feel freedom. And as I make it all happen, I feel empowered. For the first time you are holding the steering wheel of your life and you will be surprised to know that you can drive smoothly. No, you do not need a drive. Yes, you can find your own path to your destination.

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But instead of feeling lonely, I feel lucky. I feel alive. I feel excited to see what life has set for me ahead. I feel empowered. When you love yourself, you will respect and treat yourself well.

No one can make you feel miserable if you do not give them the permission too. It is a simple theory of self-love. If you do not love yourself enough, you cannot love the world. There is more confidence stored inside you than you think you have. You are more courageous than you imagine. You are enough (and always have been). Even if you do not connect with anyone on a social level, you pushed yourself out of your comfort level and that is a good thing.

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But to be fair, it is a type of memory bias, when we are alone, we tend to remember negative events more clearly and accurately, and with stronger feelings than positive ones. How do we combat this? Mostly, we have harsher feelings with negative impact when something bad happens, and these linger in our minds longer than something good. So how do we combat this memory bias, first off, think about all the great things that have happened. Remember the love you have, your family, your friends, great meals you have shared, awesome Netflix binges, sleeping in all day on Sundays

Keep mind notes of little goals you have achieved. The constant progress towards becoming a better person than you were yesterday. These little things do count. Ever little block makes up the building. Even the mistakes are a big learning in your growth. It is not just about the success. It is also about the climb.

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Now, if there are things that did not go your way, start thinking about those things in a more positive light. Keep the sunshine inside you alive and keep believing that good things are meant for everyone. Everything happens for a reason. If things do not go your way, there is nothing to be bitter about it. Because we can always try.  if there is something that you do not like, either about yourself or your environment, you can change it. We can achieve things by staying morally correct to ourselves.

Being Single does not equate with weakness. It is about someone who can love themselves and be at peace with themselves. Change comes from within. You alone must decide if you want that change.

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Vidhi Bubna is a contributor with SheThePeople.TV