Not Soulmates, Women Now Look For The "Right Match" In Therapists

Mental wellness has been seeing a seismic shift in how society perceives it in recent years. What was once a taboo topic shrouded in misconceptions has now emerged as an unavoidable conversation. This has paved the way for colossal advancements in societal awareness and mental health care. While there is still a long way to go, the paradigm shift in dialogues about mental health has fostered empathy, eradicated myths, and encouraged individuals to seek help without fear of judgment.

Owing to society's gradually rising sensitivity towards mental health concerns, it is no surprise that finding the "right" help has also become a pressing need. This is why many women now are on the hunt for the right therapist who understands their concerns and fits their needs. As building a rapport with a therapist has become a top priority for many women, some may say, "It's better than finding love!"

Finding The "Right" Help

Stepping into therapy can be a daunting experience with looming uncertainty because it requires extensive research, experimentation, and patience. Unlike physiological doctors whom every aunty or uncle in the family has suggestions on, therapists, still not as socially accepted, can be a challenge to find. 

Sakshi Goyal, a student from Kolkata shared her experience of finding one. "I asked a lot of people about how to find the right therapist but it was not easy because people either get concerned for you when you ask for a therapist's contact or they suggest someone with mixed reviews online so you get scared to go. It took me about a month or more than that to find one with good reviews online," she said.

However, Goyal said that she disagreed with the therapist's personal beliefs on politics and had to change to a different one after a few sessions. She has changed four therapists in three years and has now been with her current therapist for 8 months.

Experts say that finding the right therapist is all in trial and error. It takes people multiple sessions and a lot of patience to decide if a therapist would be able to help them or not. Finding a therapist that fits a person's social beliefs and identity is also crucial to build a connection.

"Given the mental health scene in India sometimes getting a slot with a therapist is quite difficult. It is hard to find experienced and good therapists, but I feel we should give the newly qualified therapists a chance too. They may lack experience but they're more aware of the intersectionality and tend to be more flexible and accommodating." said Tanvi Raghuram, a senior research intern at ARISA Foundation. 

Having To Change Therapists

"Therapists aren't always one size fits all. If you're looking for someone that specialises in your issue it will take a lot of time," stated Raghuram, who is also a Master's graduate in clinical neuropsychology. She narrated that it took her close to four years to find a therapist that she stuck to.

"You know a therapist isn't right for you when you come out of a session feeling like you weren't heard or given the opportunity to be heard... I had to go through a couple of bad therapists to realise what kind of person I feel safe communicating my personal experiences. It's also a lot of effort to keep that therapist. Missing sessions, not doing your homework, and expecting miracles take away from the benefits of therapy," she said.

However, having to change their therapist could make people feel like they were pushed back to square one-- finding good options again, starting from the get-go again, and building the rapport again. Not to mention, the obvious trust issues and fear arising from previous bad experiences.

This fear was also faced by Simrat Dheer, a copywriter from Bengaluru. "My experience with my first therapist lasted only a couple of months as they had decided to leave the organisation. I decided to stick with the organisation and see a new therapist. I felt fearful in some ways because I had only just started warming up to my first therapist and for that to end was scary for me as I felt that I had to start over, all again," she narrated.

However, her new therapist was skilled enough to make her feel comfortable early into their sessions. "Luckily, my new therapist was sharp and so accommodating that it didn’t feel like I had to recreate a bond with them... They understood me right off the bat and their guidance, advice, and way of listening made me feel comfortable instantly," the 23-year-old said.

How Therapy Changed Life

Prioritising mental health has become an urgent need in today's racing career landscape and good mental wellness has become an asset. Dheer shared how her mentally-taxing job pushed her to join therapy, and in turn, made her more efficient at her work.

"Most of the stressors for my anxiety arose from my professional and social life itself. Therapy essentially helped me learn how to identify specific triggers and thought patterns that aroused my emotional state. Being able to manage it, through various grounding exercises as well as introspection was a turning point in how I felt and acted as a professional, or even a friend, daughter, and sibling."

Similar to Dheer, Sakshi Goyal also said that she was able to "be present in the moment" while interacting with her friends and family. She expressed, "Mental health has become my main concern ever since I noticed how different I have become since I started therapy a few years ago. I can enjoy special moments in my life with a different worldview now and even my friends and family have noticed that."

She credited it to her determination to seek help as well as all the therapists that made an impact on her wellness. Goyal added, "I recently saw a meme which said 'F**k love, me and my homies want good therapy' and that hit home! I am that one friend in my group who is always bragging about the benefits of therapy and pushing everyone else to attend even if they might not need it urgently."

Finding the right therapist is an investment in mental health and well-being. It's a collaborative journey between a person and their therapist to navigate challenges, heal past wounds, and foster personal growth. Regardless of how long it takes to find the right fit, understanding the need for therapy or having to change a therapist is a brave step that could produce remarkable effects. 

Tanvi Raghuram shared a message with SheThePeople readers. "I hope whoever reads this understands and accepts that they're worthy of good things in life and all of us are proud that they've chosen to seek help. It may take a while but help is always on the way. Don't let one bad experience wean you off of therapy. I mean most physicians we meet normally are so rude and judgemental, but we still keep going back to them. Give therapy a sliver of that leeway."

Views expressed by the author are their own