Why Are Women Complimented For Looks, But Not For Their Brilliance?

From the moment a girl enters the world, she starts hearing, “You’re so pretty!” or “What beautiful eyes you have!” At first, these compliments feel innocent, maybe even sweet. But the reality is, girls mostly get praised for their looks way more than for their curiosity, intelligence, or creativity.

With time, this imbalance teaches them that their worth is tied to appearance, not ability. When she reaches adolescence, the lesson is clear in her mind that being beautiful matters more than being smart, and being liked matters more than speaking up.

When Pretty Becomes the Priority

In classrooms, on playgrounds, and at family gatherings, girls are constantly told how pretty they look. Teachers notice neat hair or pretty dresses. Relatives gush over fair skin or a bright smile.

But intelligence, bold ideas, or curiosity? These things usually go unnoticed. And even remarks like “don’t get too messy” or “sit properly” send a silent message that how a girl looks matters more than their creativity or initiative. These little comments shape how they figure out what wins attention.

Maitri from Kolkata says, “My teachers always told me I was pretty, but never that I asked smart questions. I grew up thinking my brain didn’t matter.”

Studies show that girls who are praised more for their looks than for the effort they put in are more likely to shy away from challenges and feel less confident from a young age.

As girls get older, this imbalance becomes clear in everyday life. Many hold back from trying new things because they worry about not being “liked” or looking less attractive. In school, at work, or among friends, women sometimes underestimate what they can do, pay extra attention to how they look, and even feel guilty for speaking up. The result is a generation of women who learns to value approval over their own confidence. 

Kavya from Bengaluru says, “I got compliments all the time for my fair skin, but hardly anyone noticed my math or science skills. It really made me doubt myself in class.”

Why Media Loves Looks More Than Brains

It’s not only family and school; the media plays a big role too. Dolls, cartoons, Instagram feeds, and Bollywood films tend to reward “pretty” characters while leaving intelligence and curiosity in the background.

For instance, think about the films we watch; many times, it’s the fair, traditionally “pretty” heroines who get all the attention. But, the smarter and the stronger women? They’re pushed to the side, or sometimes made to look like jokes.

Drishti from Mumbai says, “I remember my cousin growing up; she was constantly praised for her looks and told she wouldn’t face difficulties because of them. But I wondered why I might have to struggle more socially or why my abilities weren’t getting the same recognition.”

Social media isn't much different. Influencers with perfect looks seem to get all the likes, sponsorship, or attention, and it sends a silent message to girls that looking good is what gets you noticed. On TV and in ads, it’s the same, fair-skinned, attractive women who get all the praise, while the smart, capable ones rarely get a moment to shine.

Praising Minds, Not Just Faces

This pattern doesn’t have to continue. Parents, teachers, and mentors can start noticing and praising curiosity, creativity, intelligence, and hard work as much as looks. Little things, like saying, “You asked such a great question today” or “I like how you solved that problem”, can show girls that their minds matter as much as their appearance. With time, these small, everyday affirmations will help them build confidence based on what they can do, not on how they look.

Girls should grow up understanding that their worth isn’t measured only by their looks or by how they smile. It’s not only about being pretty or fitting into society’s narrow ideas of beauty. Compliments about their intelligence, creativity, curiosity, and courage matters.

Celebrating these qualities shows that being smart, brave, and ambitious is as beautiful and as important as being attractive. As they grow, hearing this consistently helps them value themselves for what they can do and who they are, not on how they look.

Take a moment and ask yourself: the last time you complimented a young girl, was it for her intelligence, or for how she looked? If we genuinely want girls to grow into confident, ambitious women, we need to start praising their brains as much as their beauty.

Views expressed by the author are their own.