'Be Strong, Girl': The Emotional Cost Of Always Holding It Together

Women are trained, from childhood, to be emotional shock absorbers to take impact so others don’t have to feel it fully. And what makes this expectation especially cruel is how invisible it is. No one calls it labour. No one compensates it. No one even acknowledges it until a woman finally collapses under the weight and is labelled too emotional. Society praises women for being strong but punishes them the moment that strength cracks.

Emotional Labour Is Gendered

From childhood, girls are trained to sense emotions before they are even expressed and adjust themselves accordingly. Boys are given space to react whereas girls are taught to regulate. This training doesn’t fade with age it simply becomes more harder to notice.

Women are expected to keep the emotional machinery running, remembering birthdays, protecting ego's, and sustaining relationships, at home, at work, in friendships, even in movements meant to challenge inequality. When they do this seamlessly, it’s praised as “care.” When they stop, it’s perceived as “selfish.”

When Women Stop Absorbing, They’re Punished

The moment a woman stops holding everything together, the backlash is quick. She’s called cold, selfish, Difficult, Unstable and too much. Her boundaries are seen as betrayal.

A man having a bad day is allowed to withdraw or explode. A woman doing the same is expected to explain herself, soften her tone, and make others comfortable again while she’s still hurted.

Choosing Not to Hold Everything Is Not Failure

A women choosing not to accept certain living conditions is not abandoning her role but rather structuring her boundaries. It is about letting things fall on their on pace and in their own place. Emotional challenges were never meant to be gendered but instead something that everybody had to deal with. It is considered a failure but is about processing their own well being over unnecessary emotional absorbing. 

What Needs To Change

Men need to learn emotional literacy instead of seeking unnecessary emotional support. Institutions need to recognise emotional labour as real labour. Families need to stop assuming women will “handle it.” Emotional responsibility must be shared and not forced.