Un-Gendering Home: Why Does Household Work Still Fall Solely On Women?

Isn't the phrase “lady of the house”  limiting a woman's potential to chores? It's time to liberate the women as well as shift from 'her duties' to 'our duties,' if we embrace true shared responsibility.

"You need to learn how to cook." I still remember those words from my mother when I was probably 13. As someone not particularly drawn to cooking, I resisted, but in an Indian household, constant reminders about chores, especially for a female, were relentless. Eventually, I succumbed to tasks I disliked, developing an apathetic relationship with domestic work. 

Looking back, was it truly about acquiring life skills, or was it a deeply ingrained prejudice against females performing daily duties?

The Modern Woman & Ancient 'Sanskar'

This question resurfaced recently when an interview revealed that a flying officer in the Indian Air Force, Tanu Dhanda, was expected by her mother to mop the floor and do all the other household chores, even after coming back from her training, and despite her demanding schedule.

This meant prioritising her work as a homemaker, overshadowing her career aspirations. Even in the 21st century, the concept of 'sanskar' remains rigidly tied to homemaking for women, and this dogma is not new. We, as females, are undeniably caught in the web of patriarchy. We've witnessed our mothers tirelessly juggling household duties from dawn till dusk, often alongside professional careers. This unsaid, unpaid, and unsung duty is implicitly "signed up for" by women, especially upon marriage, where they are often expected to serve as full-time cooks and helpers, running all the errands.

Is the case similar for the male family members? Are they expected to work in the kitchen after a long day at the office? The truth is not behind the bars. The issue is not the domestication itself, but the abrupt, forceful, and bounded way these duties are thrust upon females from a young age, leaving no room to resist or question.

The 2020 movie “Thappad” starkly illustrates this, depicting a wife beaten by her husband because he expects flawless household management and unquestioning fulfilment of his desires. This is not just a fictional script; it is the harsh reality. The larger crisis is women being crushed under misogyny, not misogyny in isolation. 

No More "Her" Chores

Why is it embarrassing for men to learn essential life skills like cooking and cleaning? Are they afraid of being labelled a "wife's slave" or, worse, a "feminist"? The misconception that feminism is anti-men or solely a "white woman's" movement persists. In truth, feminism advocates for equal rights for both women and men, and it’s the only amazing outcome of patriarchy.

 The prevalence of patriarchy and the gendering of roles, while deeply rooted in human history, are primarily products of "societal expectations." And who makes up society? Surprisingly (or not), it's us.

The responsibility for daily household chores is a shared one, belonging to everyone residing in the home; it is not female-centric work. Embracing this shared responsibility offers tangible benefits for all:

•Sense of Belongingness: Working together fosters affection, empathy, and humility, leading to mutual appreciation.

•Diminished Burden: With everyone having commitments like school or work, collaboration reduces pressure on any single individual and ensures tasks are completed efficiently.

•Fosters Valuable Life Skills: Cooking, cleaning, and organising are crucial life skills. Learning these, alongside family, instils patience, self-esteem, and teamwork. How great it is to learn all these from the comfort of your own house! 

Once we stop categorising duties by gender, half the battle for equality will be won. The problem isn't performing duties; it's the ingrained expectation for females, regardless of age, to instinctively pick up an empty glass they didn't even use. Maybe, my mother wasn’t entirely wrong. It was the way she was taught things that was passed down through generations. Any change, no matter how small, offers a ray of hope for dismantling the culture of inequality and injustice.

Housework is, and should be, for everyone!

Views expressed by the author are their own.