Relationship Refuseniks: Who Are They And What Do They Want?

When Mehdi Hassan said, “Ranjish hi sahi dil hi dukhane ke liye, aa fir se mujhe chor ke jaane ke liye aa”, the romantics rejoiced as they could see the power of love, everywhere, in everything. No more, though. Sincerest apologies, dear romantics, but love isn’t enough, not for the young hearts at least. Ali Sethi can recreate the song with all his heart and melodious voice, but love isn’t enough, it seems. 

Ah, Love

Remember when Julia Roberts in Notting Hill says, “Don't forget: I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her”. Ah, love! It sounds so pleasant, so comforting, so fulfilling. 

We never thought that love, a liberating feeling, would become so strangulating that young people abandon it altogether. Young people seem too tired to bother themselves with love and relationships. Gone are days when someone walks up to you, looks deep into your eyes, and says, “You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on.” Oh, Mr. Darcy, this world doesn’t have time for you. We are too tired and weighed down by our 9-5, so there is little room to be romantic, so we chose to be ‘refuseniks’. 

Guessing what ‘refusenik’ is? Well, simply put, someone who refuses to adhere. In this case, we are dealing with ‘relationship refuseniks’ who refuse to fall in love. It’s true. We live in a fast-paced world where finding love comes at a high price because it’s time-consuming, and well, who has the time? In between juggling 9-5, the hobbies, the passion, the dream, the laundry, the new releases, the dusty books on the shelf, the pile of clothes that’s gawking at you with those crunchy eyes, the dishes, the bed that calls you the moment you get out of it. Ah, the unending to-do list; sadly, love doesn’t feature in it. 

I mean, who is to blame? We go on Hinge to find ourselves someone who is unhinged. The irony! And this isn’t just me blabbering, in China, people are running away from love because it’s just too much. In China, young people are refusing to traverse the traditional path of finding a mate, marriage, mortgage, and kids for practical, logistical reasons. It’s just too expensive. So, why exactly have young people become ‘relationship refuseniks’?

Waqt Ki Baatein

To put it simply, there is no time. The idea of productivity imposed on us through social media and LinkedIn isourst too heavy for the tiny shoulders. Not a single second can be wasted chasing stupid ideals like love, of all things. So much to do, so little time. Absolutely not. “I am not going to be swayed by all these Mr. Darcy tricks. Uh-oh, No!!” I need to figure out what to eat, what to wear, what to watch, what to read, where to work, whether to work, what to study, whether to study, where to party, whether to party, so on and so forth. And no, I am not Fleabag and I don’t have a hot priest to make this beautiful confession to so he can say, “Kneel!” Ugh!!!

Paisa Fek, Tamasha Dekh: Love is expensive

Even if I have the time and go out on dates, the feminist in me would want to pay equally for the dates(sometimes, I truly wish I was a stupid girl), and excuse me, as a 22-year-old, I can't afford too many dates. One date isn’t enough for love because it only happens in movies and I don't have the patience and money for hundreds of dates. 

Okay, consider me in love, will you pay for my aesthetics? These days, love is only for the rich. The serenades, the dates, the baby’s breath in my hand, the candles, etc. I mean, yes I can settle for the chai date on a tapri but what after the dates? If you are really in love, you would want to take a step further, and bam!! House, marriage- GOD!! It’s expensive. 

Dil hai ki maanta nahi

Relationship refuseniks also refuse love because it’s just too much hard work. Finding someone for a relationship and not a hook-up is a pain in today’s world. Remember the unhinge people on the hinge! Additionally, finding someone who aligns with our value system is the worst nightmare ever. 

Who has the time for all of this? So, even if they cross your path, steal your heart, and give you flowers, it’s still not enough. And we simply don't have enough time to wait for the enough. 

Bumble ki Hustle?

The traditional work-life balance has undergone a significant shift. Hustle culture glorifies long hours and prioritizes career advancement. This leaves little time and energy for cultivating romantic relationships.  Furthermore, the rise of the "gig economy" with its precarious job security fuels anxieties about financial stability, making the prospect of supporting a family seem daunting.

Moreover, young adults today are increasingly focused on personal growth and self-discovery. 

Aaoge Jab Tum

Aaoge Jab Tum O Saajana, Angana Phool Khilenge…

Par kya ye phool khilenge?

Does this trend toward "refusal" signal a dystopian future devoid of love? Gone are days when someone is going to come to you and say, “It’s not gonna be easy. It's gonna be hard but we are gonna work every day. And I wanna do the hard work because I want you. I want all of you.” 

So, I don't know if we are stepping in a world of dystopia but it surely seems that love is a utopia. Till then, for the refuseniks, it's only aaoge jab tum o saajana, angana phool khilenge…..