The Paradox Of Being A Daughter: When Dreams Come With Chains

A daughter dies many deaths. To be a daughter in today’s day and age is a reality fraught with uncertainties. Sometimes a daughter is killed in the womb. Sometimes she is shot at, at point-blank range, by someone very close to her. These are the stories that make the headlines. Sometimes. But she dies many times in between. She dies a little when she must adjust her dreams to fit her reality and not the other way round. She dies a little when she is told to fly a little low. She dies a little when she realises that she is alive because someone fought for her to be born.

It is indeed a sobering thought to realise that someone must have fought for her to be nurtured and that someone must continue to fight for her to be treasured. It is often the mothers who have died thousands of times seeing their own dreams being crushed that rise like a Phoenix to be the force behind their daughters. Amazingly, sometimes it is the fathers who become their superheroes without capes to let them live and savour their childhood and perhaps chase their dreams.

'Fly high, but don't ruffle their feathers'

Girls do not just dream of being sporting heroes, climbing mountains or smashing corporate glass ceilings. Some of their dreams are more modest. Sometimes they simply dream of being able to push the boundaries of restrictions that society places on them. They dream of waking up to a day when they are not told that girls don’t laugh out loud, that girls don’t loiter on the streets, that girls don’t sit by the roadside and watch the world go by. Sometimes girls just dream of not being banished from parts of their own homes on those days when they are supposedly impure.

Many people think that they are being very progressive by letting their daughters chase a few of their dreams. But there are always some strings attached.

They are supposed to chase dreams, but quietly so as not to ruffle any feathers. Soar, but not too high so as not to make anybody uncomfortable. Earn but modestly so as not to hurt anyone’s ego.

The irony is that even when they walk on eggshells to make everyone around happy, it is sometimes simply not enough. Someone somewhere is sure to take offence.

But in today’s rapidly changing world, why should these young souls continue to be burdened with making everyone around happy? Why shouldn’t society and the people around instead step back a little and let the girls breathe?

Look around. The girls are changing. They are feisty and ready to take on the world. Parents are changing too. Slowly and steadily. We as a society have to change, too. The frayed notions of a ‘good girl ‘ deserve to be given a quiet burial. If we, as the community, can mind our own business and take ‘what will people say’ off the list of things they have to worry about, maybe many daughters will not die a thousand times seeing their dreams being crushed ever so often. Maybe some of them will dodge a bullet as they take flight and thrive.

Authored by Smita Vats; Views expressed by the author are their own.