Why Do We Love ‘Men Written By Women’?

We’ve all seen the internet joke about “women written by men.” The mysterious, wife-material, fragile, flawless character described in paragraphs of her “flowing hair” and “delicate figure.” On the flip side, “men written by women” often go viral for being soft, vulnerable, caring, and emotionally intelligent. Funny? Yes. But it reveals something deeper: who tells the story shapes how it is received.

In the media, themale gaze often reduces women to objects of desire, defined by how they look. The female gaze shifts focus to vulnerability, empathy, and connection. Neither is perfect, but each reflects what the storyteller values.

The Gaze Shapes the Story

When people say a character is a “woman written by a man,” it’s rarely meant as a compliment. It points to a familiar kind of writing, one where women are flattened into objects of desire rather than full humans. Instead of thoughts, ambitions, or contradictions, readers get long descriptions of legs, hair, or “curves in all the right places.”

These arguments come straight from what feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey called the male gaze, a way of framing women as bodies to be looked at, not as subjects with agency. In these depictions, women exist mainly in relation to men, and their role is to advance a male protagonist’s story, often through beauty, seduction, or tragedy.

The “Man Written by a Woman” Counterpoint

By contrast, the “man written by a woman” trope has become a kind of internet ideal. These characters are not just rugged, stoic archetypes; they’re attentive, emotionally layered, and allowed to be tender. Instead of being praised for dominance or toughness, they are admired for kindness, vulnerability, or subtle acts of care.

 These men are still desirable, but their appeal doesn’t stop at a square jaw. They’re attentive, awkward, vulnerable, and sometimes quietly heroic in ways that don’t involve violence.

This reflects what some call the female gaze, which isn’t just flipping the script to sexualise men, but shifting the connection. Through this lens, male characters can be strong and soft, complex in ways that move beyond traditional masculinity.

The Fantasy Gap

What makes the “woman written by a man” vs. “man written by a woman” meme powerful is that it reveals what people actually crave in stories. The “woman written by a man” frustrates because it exposes a fantasy that feels alien and shallow, objectifying, or just disconnected from how women see themselves. The “man written by a woman,” on the other hand, is beloved because it offers a fantasy that feels aspirational and not about how men look, but about how they behave.

That gap between projection and reality, between what’s written and what’s lived, is what keeps the discourse alive. These tropes aren’t just about gender; they’re about representation, and the way fiction offers us versions of ourselves we long to recognise versus versions we’re tired of seeing.

Why We Keep Talking About It

At its heart, this meme is about expectations. It’s about who gets flattened into a cliché, and who gets imagined as fully human. It’s about what readers want from characters is not just attractiveness or drama, but depth, tenderness, and authenticity.

Maybe that’s why it hits so hard, because behind eye-roll at a “woman written by a man” or swoon over a “man written by a woman” is the reminder that stories shape how we see ourselves. We don’t just consume fiction; we measure ourselves against it.

Views expressed by the author are their own.