Why Can't Married Women Be Able To Financially Support Their Parents?

A recent tweet by a woman has sparked a debate on the microblogging site X, formerly Twitter. A user named Richa Singh asked people why husbands are against their working wives financially supporting their parents after marriage. She also mentioned how she has encountered many such discussions and is usually left in shock with the mindset that women cannot financially support their parents after a point in their lives.

The tweet went viral, garnering over 124K views and hundreds of responses from netizens. Many people came forward and suggested what could be done to arrive at a solution to this issue.

Married Daughters Financially Supporting Their Parents

Despite having a well-paying career, the hardcore reality in Indian society is that a large number of married women are "not allowed" to financially support their ageing parents. Regardless of how much women earn, they are expected to spend and save for "their family," which comprises their husband, children, and in-laws." Many working women need to seek their husband and in-laws' permission even if they want to spend a meagre amount for their parents.

This stems from the age-old notion that women never "belong to their maternal home." They are seen as "parayadhaan" (belonging to another family), and the moment women get married, there’s an unsaid social norm that she is no longer a part of her maternal family. The woman and everything that’s hers are considered to belong to her marital family. The relationship between a woman and her parents is often suspended after marriage.

Women literally become guests in their own homes after marriage, to the extent that even parents hesitate to seek any kind of support from their married daughters. They simply succumb to society’s unsaid rule that their daughter belongs to a different family now and adapt to the changed relationship dynamics.

Every single activity of a married woman is scrutinised—how often she visits her parents’ home, how long she talks to them on the phone, what she discusses with them, and if and how much she is financially supporting them. But given that a working woman is making her own money, why is she devoid of the agency to spend a part of it on her parents?

Why Is It A Big Ask Though? Isn't It Their responsibility?

Numerous women, especially single daughters, are reluctant to even get married because they are worried about who will financially, physically, and emotionally support their parents after they are married. How many husbands would be open to the idea of moving in with their wife's parents if need be? How many husbands and in-laws would be comfortable with the idea of the woman’s parents living with them under the same roof? How many men would be okay with taking care of their wife's parents as well if the need arose?

Women face limitations in their involvement with their maternal family after marriage, even if they are only daughters of their parents. But who will take care of parents with single daughters? Why can’t daughters be able to support their ageing parents just like men have been doing since eternity? Why must marriage hinder women from being able to take care of their parents?

Parents with single daughters or only daughters are left with no other option but to manage on their own just because they don’t have sons. They feel hesitant to seek help from their married daughters, and daughters aren’t "allowed" to take care of their parents. But it’s 2023, and when are we going to change the narrative? When are we going to realise that girl parents too deserve to be supported during their old age? Why should married women wanting to be able to take care of their parents be a big ask?

Suggested Reading: National Girl Child's Day 2023: Daughters Weigh In On Being Caretakers Of Their Parents

Views expressed by the author are their own