Is Hookup Culture Particularly Tough On Women?

Gone are the days when relationships used to be about love and marriage. Today, we are in a time when hookups are more frequent than committed relationships. I belong to the days when the meeting of the eyes was an expression of love. Looking at each other, passing smiles, love letters, or even flying kisses, and imagining a marriage with each other used to be the definition of romance. But as I walked into adulthood, things started changing. Marriage promises were forgotten, gifts were left at the corner, memories vanished, and loneliness took a toll on mental health. But what caused this change? The mentality of restricting romance to one-night stands. 

Before you judge me as an old lady with a narrow mindset, let me make it clear that I am not against hookups. But I do not support those hookups that are not consensual or mutual. The hookups that come under the guise of relationships, romance, or marriage promises affect the lives of people, especially women. If you want a hookup, just be clear. Don't try to mislead others by making promises that might never see the light of day. 

Why do Hookups affect Women negatively?

But why did I mention that hookups affect women negatively more? Because of the social stigma around women's lives. Women in our society are not expected to have relationships before marriage. In fact, women still do not feel comfortable with the idea of having casual sex that wouldn't lead to marriage or a relationship. Women always have this fear of being cheated on. 

We often come across cases in which women were raped by their boyfriends, filmed and blackmailed, or fooled into bed through romantic promises. Keeping the legal procedures aside, will those women ever be respected in society? No. Their families often disown them for being unsanskari. And society adds slat to their wound by calling such women used goods, sluts, or unfit for marriage. No one raises a single finger at the man who was also involved in this. Rather, he is still seen as an eligible bachelor.

Another fear that keeps women awake after hookups or keeps them away from them is the fear of pregnancy. I remember one of my friends asking me if anal sex could lead to pregnancy. Then there was another who was tensed because of the same fear, even though her encounter was limited to foreplay. This clearly showed that their male partners had little to no interest in the aftermath of sex or hookups. 

In the culture of increasing hookups and meaningless sex, have we forgotten the basic decorum of sex protection? Why are men not worried about pregnancies after hookups? Do they assume that after spending a night with a woman, they have no connection with her? Isn't it the man's responsibility too to avoid unwanted pregnancies in hookups?

These are some of the reasons why women do not feel liberated in hookups. Even though hookup culture came into existence to avoid commitment, women are stuck in the loop of wanting to be modern within a society that still looks for sanskari wife materials.  

What do Women have to say about Hookups?

Oshi Saxena, a journalist, said that she is an old-school girl and never felt comfortable with the idea of hookups. She is happy that she has had one guy all her life. However, she said, "I have seen a lot of my friends hook up; some have found long-term happiness, and for some, it hasn't ended well. They have been ghosted or led on, and it can be very traumatic when you invest your emotions, time, and energy with someone and find that you are not on the same page or not a priority. The trauma can last for years and has the potential to ruin your future meaningful relationships." 

Although Oshi refused to comment on whether hookups are right or wrong, she said that it should depend on the choice. "If you feel more liberated when you hook up, please take that road. If not, you can always take a step back. But in any setup, one should always be clear about what emotional boundaries they want to draw and always check if the other person is comfortable with that. Most importantly, keep your self-respect above everything else," she said.

Sonam Priya, a PhD scholar, said that she will never be comfortable with hookups. Not because of society or family but because of her own spiritual beliefs. She said, "Being spiritual, I have a different definition of love and biological satisfaction. I feel that I can be with someone only when I can emotionally connect with them. Even though I feel biological urges, which I do very often, I deal with them through self-control and discipline of thoughts through the spiritual path." 

Priya, a journalist, is happy being on her own rather than in a relationship that is devoid of commitment. She is also not a fan of the hookup culture, but she also doesn't condemn it. She said, "I believe that if two individuals choose to participate in a hookup dynamic, both parties must have consented to it. In such cases, neither gender bears the brunt more than the other. However, if one party is coerced or misled into believing that the arrangement may evolve into a meaningful relationship in the future, then the power dynamics shift, potentially leaving one party at a disadvantage."

After interacting with these women, I could understand that hookups can be justified only if there is clear respect for consent and boundaries. If hookups are increasing, clear communication, awareness about healthy and consensual sex, and a broadening of the social mindset towards women should also follow. Maybe then, women too would be able to imagine themselves as liberated in the hookup culture. 

Views expressed are the author's own.