Dear Papa, I Wish I Could Say These Five Things To You

Father: the epitome of success; the example of hard work; the greatest inspiration; the desired qualities in a husband. Especially for daughters, fathers are more loving and caring, if we go by the stereotypes. Fathers have been defined in various ways and each way has upheld them as role models. However, just like no humans are perfect, fathers too have many flaws. We either tend to ignore them or consider them inferior to the things fathers provide us. However, this doesn't mean that the flaws cease to exist. Rather, they remain hidden and come out when things go wrong. I too have a loving and caring father with flaws that cannot be ignored. So in this article, I want to say a few things that I could never say to my father. 

1. Don't judge me based on my passion: 

My father doesn't consider my passion serious. He was the one who said he was proud of me when I used to score and actively participate in school. But today, he not only feels ashamed of my career but also calls my work 'bakwas'. I am not so sure of the ashamed thing but definitely sure that he doesn't consider me a good writer. Making a career out of writing also seems senseless to him. But he keeps quiet and says nothing. His silence itself speaks a lot. 

2. Don't yell at me, please: 

My father is mostly a calm and composed person. But he gets instigated very soon. When I was a child, I used to be so afraid of him that I never dared to even wake him up from sleep. Even though now his anger is in control, there were instances when he yelled at me. He said that I haven't achieved anything in life. His voice and his words pricked me so much that I became anxious. Once he even called me a 'disabled daughter' because I asked for money from him for cigarettes. Yes, I might be wrong for demanding cigarettes from my father, but did I deserve to listen to harsh words like disabled or failure in life? I really want my father to not yell at me because that not only worsens my mental health but also strains my relationship with him.

3. Please respect my mother: 

I come from a house that has witnessed brutal domestic violence between my mother and father. When my father used to beat my mother up, I saw an evil side of him that terrified me to the core. Although now the violence has stopped, the yelling and undermining my mother's intellect hasn't stopped. My father is now very supportive of my mother as he has given her the opportunity to handle a business empire and be its representative. However, all this will lose its importance if my father doesn't respect my mother. No matter how uneducated or unskilled my mother is, my father has to help and enlighten her.

4. Knowing kitchen skills and serving food isn't my forte: 

Recently, when I was light-heartedly talking about inheritance, my father retorted by saying that I don't even serve him food (rather take my own food) or ask him if he has eaten or not, how then can I claim on the properties? At that time, I had flashbacks of the times when I took care of my father. Sitting next to him and caressing his hair till he sleeps during the initial phase of insomnia, sitting for minutes beside him after having a nightmare of his death, taking care of him while he was diagnosed with COVID-19 and begging him to forgive me - does all this not count as caretaking? I would be considered a caretaker only if I served him food and tea. Please see inside me and know how much I value you. I am not a kitchen person and that's why I hate everything related to it. But I love you and can show it in other ways too. 

5. Enough with the silent treatment: 

Being a rebellious daughter, I am not much accepted in my family My mother usually argues with me and tries to prove me wrong. But my father, who is a staunch follower of the idea that you have to live in society and so you must follow its order, remains quiet. Sometimes he makes scathing comments like "I am sad that my daughter doesn't want to get married" But mostly, he gives me the silent treatment. He says absolutely nothing about my rebellious thoughts, my addiction to cigarettes, my unconventional career or even my refusal to follow any of the proven healing exercises for mental health. It seems as if he is tired of me and has lost every hope in me. Many daughters might admire their father's silence as support. But that is not always true. The silence is just a reflection of suppressed emotions which might erupt at times. 

So, dear Papa, I know that I didn't meet any of your expectations of me. I know that I have disappointed you a million times. I know I could not be the ideal daughter you wanted me to be. However, when I asked you if you were ashamed of giving birth to me, you unhesitatingly said, "You are my blood. No matter how you are, you are mine." I really wish you remember this always so that when I break other rules in life, which I will proudly do, you are still there to call me "beta".   

Views expressed are the author's own.