My cousin was rejected in arranged marriage many times because of her dark complexion. She was often told that because of her skin colour, she might never find a good groom. However, life had a different plan for her. She got married to a man of her choice and is happily celebrating her fifth marriage anniversary with him. But has she forgotten about the taunts she received from society? No. She remembers them vividly and says "I am happy that at least my parents supported me. Sadly, my colour was made a barrier to my happy and healthy life. Although I didn't let the biases depress me, how many women can do it?"
Women's appearances play a crucial role in shaping the trajectory of their lives. Women's daily lives, marriage and even job prospects are impacted by their looks. A woman is expected to look good every day because in our society women are objects to be desired and not individuals with choice. Addressing this issue, a reel rightly pointed out that unattractiveness is a disability among women.
Why calling women's biological features unattractive is wrong on many levels
An Instagram user Dr Itisha Nagar talked about a sociological study of disability among women. She narrated a case of a woman who had a huge birthmark on her face. This made her unattractive as per the social standards. As a result, her family members brought rishtas of men who were either older than her or were widowers. Her family members thought that these were the kind of men who could marry such an unattractive woman. However, the woman found a young man and married him. This unsettles her family and community because she apparently broke a societal order.
However, later, the man had an accident and had a tragic death. She returned to her matrimonial home where she was sympathised by her in-laws. But it was believed that whatever happened was the work of Karma that punished her for going out of her bounds. The order was again restored.
Dr Nagar ended her reel with a strong statement saying, "Where women are concerned, you do not necessarily need to have a biological impairment for it to be a disability. Not being attractive is one of the disabilities because what you are not able to do is get married and have kids."
Her video resonated with people as many users agreed with her point.
One of the users wrote, "That's so brutal put forward but unfortunately true! Sadly, For women, everything is defined differently!"
Another wrote, "Very well said ma'am....disability is being a major social construction apart from the biological ones out there 🙌👏"
In fact, recently, the Chattisgarh High Court came across a case in which a husband filed for divorce because his wife deserted him. However, the woman alleged that her husband verbally abused her because she had a dark skin tone. She also alleged that he physically assaulted her when she was pregnant. She further said that the husband had evicted her from the matrimonial home.
The court dismissed the husband's divorce plea and said that it could propel societal preference for light skin over dark. It further said that dark-skinned people are often discriminated against as compared to their light-skinned counterparts. The fairness creams and cosmetic industry target dark-skinned women by portraying them as "under-confident and insecure people who are unable to secure success in life until someone suggests the use of fairness cream. The entire society of the human race needs to change the dialogue at home, which may not promote the fairness preference of skin."
Women in our society are discriminated against not only for their face but also physicality. Sonam Priya, a PhD student, was rejected in marriage because of her short height. Rupa Devi, a housewife, was rejected for being too tall. Mamta Kumari, a working woman in Rajasthan, was asked to put on lenses to hide the fact that she wore glasses.
What do these examples tell us?
What do these examples tell us? That a woman is valued only until her looks fit the societal definition of womanhood. It doesn't matter how good she is at other things until and unless she is beautiful as per societal standards. But are beautiful women respected in every term? Unfortunately no. Even beautiful women have to come across biases because it is just not possible to satisfy a society that always expects more from women. A beautiful woman is also rejected in marriages because of being too ambitious, too opinionated or less homely. So doesn't this mean that being a woman itself is a disability?
But the point is that patriarchy or the norm of dominating and dictating women is the real disability that needs a cure. Rather than expecting women to fit into their expectations, society needs to expand their mindsets. Society needs to cure itself and make space for those who are different.
Views expressed are the author's own.
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