Women's lives revolve around conditions. If they want something in life, they have to submit themselves unwillingly for other things. Sacrifices like these are embedded in women's lives and are considered canvases for social norms. They can have limited control over their lives beyond which there is ostracisation, character assassination and even murder. But is it right to add limits to the freedom a woman can aspire to achieve? Is it right to add conditions to a woman's right?
The definition of women's empowerment is not the same
I came across a post on social media recently that talked about the conditional freedom of women. The post questioned the idea of society or families asking women to choose between studies and marriage as if marriage is some kind of punishment. I too was asked the same question by my parents and extended family. They either wanted me to pursue a degree of their choice or else get married.
No matter what I choose, both options support their happiness, not mine. Even though, personally, I am not into marriage, how is it right to limit my choices? Is it right to make me choose between things I don't want in life? Why couldn't they just accept my life choices that were not included in the options? Do they mean they will define what freedom means to me?
In our society, women's empowerment comes at a lot of cost. If women want to own their lives, they have to disconnect from family and society and face criticism at every step. Certainly, education and financial independence are important to empower women. But women's empowerment doesn't have a linear path. Its definition varies with women. Some women consider marriage as a hurdle, others take it as a medium to get a partner.
Some women like partying, consuming alcohol and wearing revealing dresses, others find comfort within the walls of their rooms wearing loose pyjamas. Some women consider dating or hook-ups normal, while others like to wait for the right one. The point is that women must have the right to live on their own terms. No one, not even parents, must dictate what a woman must do.
How patriarchy has created fear of marriage among women
Coming to the post, it clearly shows how the definition of marriage for women is different. Traditions have defined marriage as the destiny of a woman as it is the medium of performing her primary duty- serving the family. Women are considered "paraya dhan" by their parents because the marital home is where women belong. Even if a woman breaks the norms and files for divorce, she is shamed to the extent that her life becomes miserable. Even though these ideas are archaic, they haven't ceased to exist.
Naturally, women of today's generation fear marriage and try to avoid or delay it as much as possible. My mother says that if my husband slaps me once or twice, it won't matter to her. She believes that where there is love, there is the right to slap. Automatically, my picture of marriage is distorted. The fear that my parents won't support me if I speak against domestic violence keeps me away from marriage. To avoid marriage which seems like a shackle to women, they submit to other conditions that their families put before them. Some women tend to internalise these ideas and accept them as reality.
Is it right to make marriage seem like a punishment for women? Is it right to portray marriage in a way that creates fear among women? Why can't women be exposed to the real meaning of marriage? Partnership, love, understanding and support.
No career or education is inappropriate for women
As far as studies are concerned, women have the right to choose the field they want to pursue. No degree or career is inappropriate for women. It is just a social construct that women should look for jobs that are easy, and comfortable and provide them the time to take care of the family. Do we ask men to choose any such career? Why do we assume that women cannot quit their responsibilities at home for careers? Why do we shame women who prioritise their careers?
Even though the post talks about the choice between studies and marriage, the reality is that even if women choose studies, they cannot escape marriage. Some might do but at the cost of bearing social criticism. So, even conditional freedom is just a trap for women who believe that it is okay to give up one freedom for a lifetime of satisfaction. It is similar to the famous sexist dialogue "Hasi toh phasi." If you agree once, you will be taken for granted.
Let us stop putting conditions on women's freedom. Let us stop imposing archaic ideas on them and distort their mindset. Women have the right to explore what they want from life even if it takes years of trial and error. Marriage is a choice that can be made at any point in time, irrespective of age. It is not fair to ask women to choose between studies or marriage. It only portrays the wrong picture of marriage which disappoints women who want to get married. Both studies and marriage are a part of women's empowerment provided that women get to make the decisions regarding them.
Views expressed are the author's own.
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