What Is 'Slippage'? Divorce Lawyer Says It Is 'Killing' Most Marriages

An American divorce lawyer recently pointed to a phenomenon he calls 'slippage' in the Diary of a CEO podcast, where the gradual shifting of focus in marriage can eventually lead to its end. James Sexton says in his podcast, “When you were single, finding ‘the one’ was a big priority in your life. And then you found them.” Once a couple settles into a comfortable routine, they start to focus on other important areas, he explains, saying, “Now you got that and then you ask, ‘Now what other stuff can we do because now I’m supercharged?’”

Marital relationships are complicated, and it is often not the monumental fights that unravel the bond but the subtle, almost impossible to perceive kind of shifts that ultimately lead to disconnection. Sexton asserts that understanding and addressing 'slippage' is essential for couples to preserve and strengthen their marital relationships.

What Is 'Slippage'?

As per Sexton, 'slippage' is like the gradual weight gain many of us experience over the years. It's not the result of a single cheat meal but rather a series of small, seemingly careless choices that accumulate over time.

Likewise, in marriages, slippage refers to the slow erosion of attention, affection, and priority that partners once showered over each other. In the words of Sexton, "It's not like you eat cake and then the next day your suit doesn't fit. You just make lots of little choice,s and those little choices add up." 

Initially, couples invest a lot of their time towards building their relationship. However, with time, other responsibilities, such as careers, children, and personal ambitions, begin to take more importance. This kind of redirection can lead to:

• Reduced quality time.

• A breakdown of meaningful conversations.

• Neglect of affection.

Sexton also warns that when parents start prioritising their children above their relationship, it can create a divide between them. 

What Do The Experts Have To Say?

Sonal Khangarot, a licensed rehabilitation counselor and psychotherapist, notes that 'slippage' is subtle and generally imperceptible. Early indicators of 'slippage' might include the following:

• Shortened Communication: Conversations between the partners become transactional, lacking any depth or emotional connection.

• Lack of Quality Time: Couples spend less time with each other doing activities that they once enjoyed doing together.

• Avoidance of Sensitive Topics: Partners try to steer clear of discussing important issues, so they stay unresolved for a long period of time.

Khangarot cautions that these might be minor signs, but if ignored, they can widen the gap between partners.

Sexton advises that couples should view their partnership as a living entity that grows over time. 'Slippage' serves as a silent threat to marital relationships. As Sexton aptly suggests, maintaining a marriage requires continuous attention and effort. Couples who remain vigilant and committed to nurturing their bond enjoy long-lasting and fulfilling relationships.