Indra Kaur: Raised In A Difficult Childhood, Now On A Mission To Help Others Heal

Indra Kaur, with over decades of experience as a doula and social worker, has devoted her life to empowering women through some of their most transformative and challenging experiences. Whether it’s guiding women through the emotional and physical journey of childbirth or helping them break free from toxic marriages to reclaim their voice and strength, Indra’s work is fueled by a profound sense of purpose and is committed to creating spaces where women can heal, rebuild, and thrive. Speaking to SheThePeople, she opened up about her journey, from its humble beginnings to where it stands today.

Born into a Hindu family in the United Kingdom, she recalls the challenges she faced growing up in a difficult family environment, "My dad left us when we were still very young, I think I was about three or four years old at the time, so my mother raised the five of us on her own. She was originally from India and came to the UK in her teenage years, not knowing the language, not knowing how the system worked, and she ended up in a very difficult relationship with my dad. She was a very strong woman."

Early Struggles That Sparked a Calling

Kaur looks back with deep respect and admiration for her mother’s resilience, as the family often relied on state benefits to survive due to the financial challenges they faced. "Despite all the challenges, she was able to raise her children. She was able to provide us with grounding, a platform where we could grow, and develop ourselves. She gave us space and free will within the structure she created, and that was incredible and I can proudly say we’ve all turned out quite successful. Looking back, I can now see how much of a struggle it must have been for her." 

The biggest lesson Kaur learnt from her mother is that a woman can achieve anything once she realises her own strength."In society, we are often so oppressed as women, told that we need a man or that we aren’t capable of doing certain things. I learnt that you can achieve your goals. You can become the person you want to be. You can strive for the best. So, the biggest takeaway is that I’m capable of doing whatever I set my mind to."

Moreover, Kaur’s teenage years were marked by another life-changing experience, being placed in foster care. "One experience that really shaped me was during my teenage years when I was fostered by another family. I was removed from my family situation and placed in the care of someone else. At the time, I didn’t realise how much that would influence me, but now, as an adult, I can reflect and understand that it played a big part in shaping who I am today."

For Kaur, the seeds of her social work journey were planted long before she even realised it. Kaur shared, "When I was in foster care. At the time, when you're a child, you don’t really think about what you’re going to do with your experience. It’s only later in life that you actually reflect and think, 'Okay, this is what I want to do with my life.' My experience at foster later made me realise why I wanted to become a social worker. I wanted to help children, to make sure they were protected and safe, and to support parents so they had the right tools and knowledge to care for their kids.”

Kaur revealed that a career in social work wasn’t something she set out to pursue deliberately. “I didn’t plan to become a social worker. I truly believe there was a greater force guiding me in that direction because I was actually trying to pursue something else. But I eventually landed this job.”

It was while working with families for mental health awareness that she uncovered the depth of suffering that many endure. “When I began working with children and their parents, I realised just how much suffering exists in the world. So many women and men go through difficult experiences, and as a result, their children suffer too.”

Kaur opened up about a harsh reality she has often encountered in her work, domestic abuse and its lasting impact on entire generations. Kaur shared, “Domestic abuse is often underestimated, even in the UK, especially within Indian households. We’ve normalised what is “acceptable”.Traditionally, women of faith and culture were expected to tolerate abuse from their partners—whether emotional, physical, or sexual. It was seen as okay simply because ‘he’s my husband’.”

Kaur acknowledged that while awareness around domestic abuse is growing, many still fail to realise its deeper impact. “If you’re accepting abuse as a woman or a man and you have children, you're indirectly teaching them that it’s acceptable. And that pattern continues, when children witness their parents being treated a certain way, they grow up believing it’s normal, either to treat someone else that way or to accept such treatment themselves.”

Reflecting on her frontline work, Kaur shared that she has supported many women escaping abuse, some seeking refuge in safe houses. It’s truly heartbreaking to see what human beings can do to one another. But I’ve also been fortunate to make a small difference in some people’s lives.”

Now in her 40s, at an age where she once viewed her mother as the epitome of strength, Kaur reflected on how her own definition of a strong woman has evolved in today’s generation. “ I think, for me, being strong doesn't mean carrying the world on your shoulders. That's not what strength is. I believe true strength lies in recognising your capabilities and your limits, knowing when to ask for help.”

She admitted that it’s taken time and growth to understand this perspective. “I'm getting better at that. Sometimes, when you've experienced a difficult life, you become incredibly resilient and tend to take on too much. But now that I'm 40, I think it's time to slow down a little. For me, it's about understanding your strengths, acknowledging your weaknesses, and then seeking support when needed. It may be perceived as a weakness by those who don’t understand, but in reality, it’s a form of strength, being strong within yourself.”

One of the most defining moments in her early social work career involved helping a woman who had unknowingly lived with a convicted child abuser for over 20 years. “As a new social worker, and a bit of a cynic, I did my own digging and discovered that he had a history of sexually abusing children and had even served time in prison. When I presented the evidence to the woman, she was shocked. With the help of the court, they ensured the safety of the newborn by creating distance from the man. The mother received support, attended programs on understanding perpetrators, and eventually rebuilt her life, becoming a strong, independent parent with no further contact with the abuser.”

On Marriage, Ambition, and Motherhood

Kaur also shared her perspective on relationships, marriage, and motherhood. Reflecting on her own 17-year-long marriage, Kaur emphasised the importance of self-awareness in a relationship. She shared, "I have been to India, and I’ve seen how people live. People often think that being in a different country gives you so much freedom. In some cases, that’s true, but actually, relationships are the same no matter what country you're from."

She added, "For women, it’s really important to reflect on what you truly want from life. What is your personality? What are your goals, whether they relate to your career, your faith, or the values that matter most to you? You have to ask yourself: is this person going to support me on my journey, or am I going to be forced into fitting into their little box? Because, most of the time, that’s what happens, you get married and are then expected to live someone else’s life."

When discussing motherhood, Kaur, a doula by profession, revealed the importance of understanding the realities of parenthood. She explained, “I think a lot of women want to become a mom or have a baby because they have this idealised image, 'I want to be a mom; I want to have a baby.' But through my work as a doula, I often see that, in reality, it's a shock.” 

She emphasised the need for preparation, both emotionally and financially. “You’re not just giving birth to a baby, you’re giving birth to another human being. If you truly listen to your body, it's telling you to slow down. So don't rush back to work. This is such an important perspective. Be ready to say, 'I'm not going to go back to work right away. I'm going to take care of my baby.' Because ultimately, you chose to bring this baby into the world. The baby didn’t ask to be born, you made that choice.”

Kaur also spoke about her interfaith relationship and how it grew into a faith-based marriage, its highs and lows. Stay tuned for that part of her story.