How Can Moms Equip Daughters For More Equal Relationships With Men?

Many of us have seen our mothers bearing the burdens responsibilities all alone. Most of our mothers have spent all their lives believing that the household chores, the emotional labour and everything that they do is something they have to do alone without expecting even a little support. Many desi mothers boast about their 'sehenshakti' tolerance and expect young women to aspire to show the same level of tolerance in life. But is it fair?

One can still understand the choices women had to make in earlier times when the discourse of gender equality was even far behind. What really can't be understood is why there is a need for young women, in this day and age, to follow the same precedent set by their mothers? As a young woman, just introduced to the 'nerve-wrecking-early-twenties' I can safely say that my past relationships with men couldn't have gone worse. Here is what I wish my mother had taught me before I started facing the male-dominated world like a headless chicken.

Do Not Let Men Take Decisions For You

Many of us grow up in households where men take the lead. They decide how the family will function in terms of the money as they are mostly the only earning members. They choose the schools for children, they decide which doctor to see and anything and everything is done with their approval. While mothers who clearly are the ones running the household by investing physically and emotionally hardly get credit for anything. Mothers then start losing confidence in their decisions. When daughters grow up, mothers expect them to consult everything with their fathers as they did earlier. But do we have to? Consulting important decisions with our parents because we want to is one thing but running everything by the man in the house because " he knows better " is not fair at all.

Not Every Man Is Your Superior

Most mothers will get offended if the daughter makes the slightest hint that they weren't treated as lovingly as their brothers. However many of us have lived that reality. It is deep-seated in our minds and we might take many years to get over the implicit sexism. No matter how old or how young the brothers are, some girls are expected by their family to treat them like the 'superior ones'. When mothers say " Bacche kabhi bade nahi hote" Children never grow old, they mostly refer to their sons because most daughters apparently "get mature much before boys do". If you ask me, this notion is misinformed, toxic and especially sexist.

You Are Allowed To Experience Pleasure And Pain

Coming back to the 'sehenshakti' tolerance, mothers first of all need to understand that their pain and suffering is legitimate. They can express disagreement, pain, anger and everything that they feel. Men have for many years dubbed women's emotions as 'drama' or as Indians call it "nautanki". We need to do everything to reclaim the gravity of our emotions. Because they matter. Another thing that we need to reclaim is our pleasure. Women do not have to feel guilty about enjoying sex or liking it "too much" or "too less". Mothers as the ones with experience should be the first teachers when it comes to sex education.

Men Are Not Hateful, Angry Beasts And You Should Not Be Scared Of Them

Many young girls grow up collecting one traumatic experience after another. Some mothers who share their stories with their daughter add more to the list. After all, women have not had it easy for decades and centuries and the stories of pain in yellow pages still get repeated in newspapers every day. Before this sounds like an invitation for people to debate "not all men" I must reiterate that women do not need to be told so. Trust me, we know. As the daughters of the new age, we are a little cautious of men but we also love them. We want to see in them what our mothers couldn't see in their male counterparts.

Views expressed are author's own