Is sex important for a happy marriage? As per a survey, 61% of married adults in the United States believe that a good and satisfying sexual relationship is important for a marriage. My family too believes having sex and having children are critical to a peaceful marriage life though female pleasure remains a taboo topic. It’s worth asking a different question though – what if two people in a relationship are not interested in sex? Or find it traumatic, difficult or unpleasurable? Should then sex be imposed on those couples?
Can a happy marriage not survive without sex?
Let me be clear that with this conversation I am not trying to target the couples who are forced to live in a sexless marriage. There is a fine line of difference between being forced to live a sexless marriage and choosing to live in a sexless marriage. While there are couples who love to have sex, there are others who don’t. And there could be many reasons behind it. But the question is that why should they pretend or force themselves to consummate the marriage? Who made sex necessary for marriage?
The necessity of sex in marriage is rooted in the concept that marriage legitimises sexual relationships. Marriage is the only licence to have sex rightfully. This is why the custom of sex on wedding night has been romanticised and made important. Moreover, there is also the concept that after marriage a couple must have sex in order to bear children. Pregnancy is seen as the necessary outcome of any marriage. But should we let these patriarchal beliefs govern our choices?
Psychologists also believe that a marriage can be successful without any sexual intimacy. There are other things too that make a marriage successful. Like emotional intimacy, friendship, support, trust and more. These aspects I think are the most important for marriage our any relationship survive. Then why don’t we focus enough on these aspects?
Moreover, we can’t forget that asexual couples too get married and have a happy life. By making sex necessary in marriage, we are invalidating the existence and experience of asexuals.
So we need to understand that for a relationship to succeed sex is not always required. It is okay if both partners want to have sex. But if they don’t sex should not be imposed just because of social norms and traditions Even on the wedding night, sex shouldn’t be made necessary. Read an opinion on it here. Sex requires consent and without consent, no sexual relationship can succeed. Marriage exists in myriad ways. For some, good sex matters more and for others companionship covers everything. Every marriage, of course not the abusive and unhappy ones, is valid. There is no one way to define a happy marriage.
Views expressed are author’s own
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