Why 'Soft Misogyny' Among Educated Indians Is Darker Than Open Sexism

They share reels on gender equality, post Women’s Day wishes, help friends draft feminism essays in college, and speak confidently about ideas like consent and respect. On the outside, these people appear progressive. They study in modern environments, consume global content and often introduce themselves as supportive of women. But the moment you look a little closer, a different truth begins to show. 

Their words sound modern, but their thinking still carries older expectations. It feels polite and socially acceptable. This is what many women today call soft misogyny.

It comes from people who believe they are progressive simply because they are not openly sexist. It is not the misogyny our mothers warned us about. It is smoother and far more confusing to deal with.

The Illusion of Progressiveness

The modern Indian man often thinks he is progressive because he does not stop women from studying or working. In his own mind, this is already proof that he is different from older generations.

But there is always fine print hidden inside his acceptance. “You can work, but not at the cost of home duties”. Comments like these reveal their true self.

Where Soft Misogyny Reveals Itself

Soft misogyny appears most clearly in the everyday moments.

A man who says he supports his partner’s career but feels insecure if she earns more, a colleague who praises a woman’s confidence yet interrupts her a few minutes later, a spouse who wants applause for helping with daily chores that should be shared responsibilities anyway.

None of this looks like the violence or strict control that earlier generations experienced. But it still restricts women emotionally and mentally.

Because these behaviours are subtle, women often end up questioning their own reactions instead of questioning the man’s behaviour.

The new form of misogyny hides behind jokes, concerns or cultural ideas that seem harmless.

"I am not asking you to avoid late nights; I am only worried about your safety."

"I trust you. I just do not trust the people around you. You are emotional."

These statements sound caring. Women take longer to recognise these patterns because they do not look like obvious domination. But the core expectation remains the same. Women are still expected to adjust more and sacrifice more.

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Why Educated People Still Think Like This

Education alone does not erase childhood conditioning. You can earn degrees in science or business and still carry the cultural scripts.

You can work in a global company and still repeat the relationship patterns you saw at home. You can quote feminist thinkers and still expect your partner to be the more flexible one in the relationship. This pattern has been going on for a few years, which is now being called out.

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Soft misogyny is more dangerous than the obvious, loud version because it hides behind education and modern vocabulary.

It gives the false impression that society has changed when, in reality, the unequal expectations remain the same. True change will not come when men claim to be supportive.

It will come when they examine the advantages they take for granted and the silent expectations they place on women. Until that happens, the so-called modern people remain just another updated version of old patriarchy, only quieter and more difficult to confront.

Views expressed by the author are their own.