#Feminism

Unlearning: 6 Sexist Traits In Men I Mistook For Charm

toxic men, Bollywood heroines, Back With Your Ex sexist men kabir singh
Sexist Men and their Traits: Growing up as a teenager, I wanted a man like Kabir Singh. OMG! Yes that’s true. Someone who was possessive and all that. In fact many girls, mostly teens in an abusive relationship (which they don’t recognise), ‘appreciate’ benevolent sexism subconsciously and keep going to the same men even after battling abuse. Until reality hits them. 

I crossed eighteen, became a bit wiser and I couldn’t believe that I was into toxic masculinity packaged in compliments and ‘love’. Now at 23, I have turned against the very traits that I used to crave for in a man till the age of eighteen. May be I just needed the shake-up. Check out these 6 sexist traits in men I mistook for charm:

1. Insecure Men

I personally loved it when my ex used to be insecure about me, ceased me from talking to my guy friends, checked my phone. But when he didn’t I felt that he didn’t love me enough to be afraid of losing me. Most of the teenagers feel that insecure men are more committed towards them and the most loyal partners they could ever have. I simply wonder if it comes from the bond we witness in the high school rom-coms or so-called romantic Bollywood movies? But as an adult, I don’t want anyone to invade my privacy.

2. Highly Protective Men

Believe it or not, many women in their teens are mostly attracted toward the men who view women as soft and lenient and at the same time as fragile, who need extra vigilance. At least that’s my experience. Do you remember how most of your friends from schools and colleges chased more girly and soft women and not the ones with bold attitude? They mostly never chased the latter ones because they were afraid of getting questioned and they definitely couldn’t let their ego hurt. Now is the time that we should stop playing into the dream girlfriend roles of such men.

3. The Bad Boy Type

Have you ever heard girls in your college saying “All good boys go to heaven and bad boys bring heaven to you,” I have used this line a lot of times to resonate my longing for the bad boys, But to break your illusion they never let me have a bright day, forget about heaven! I confess that most girls “friend-zone” guys who usually respect & value them, due to which most of the men now prefer to embrace the “Bad Boy Traits.

4. Intense Lovers

Women in their teens are mostly attracted to the men whose emotions are all over the place, got extremes of their good and bad attitude and whose love for them is exceedingly intense, it’s because they are perceived to be more preservative, loyal and providing, which are important traits which a woman look for in a companion. Girl is this what keeps you in your intensely toxic relationship? Mind you that too much intensity towards anything is harmful.

5. Dominant Partners

Are you attracted to men who are commanding, assertive, and take charge? Most women in their teens crave men with impulsive, careless, and powerful attitudes because they want their partner to guide them through the thick and thin of their life. So, does that mean that these women have “internalised” misogynistic attitudes, or simply are innocent enough, failing to acknowledge the fact that sexism is damaging, I ponder?

6. Broken Men

I would be rich enough if I got paid every time I got attracted to a broken man. Now I am not mocking someone going through emotional turmoil or mental health challenges. But the thing is, women like me, would fall for the vulnerable droopy eyed boys who want their relationships to fix everything wrong with their lives.

They seem to activate the ‘motherly’ side in women who are then left running a single-sided relationships ‘nurturing’ the boy. No doubt these men may need love and some support, but you have really got to figure out whether you are going to be that person in a one-sided relationship. Because if you do take up such a case you end up getting hurt yourself and ironically require more healing than they did.

Views expressed are author’s own. Did you face any other such instances? Share with us in comments or email a blog to [email protected]


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