In 2024, We Are Writing Our Own Imperfect Fairytales

Getting that tingly feeling of new beginnings already, aren’t we? 2024 is just hours away. Have you thought things through between all the non-stop partying? How’s your new year not going to be basic? Are you visualising a brand new you in the year of the Dragon? All set to jump across every sort of hurdle in the leap year? What? What’s the glow-up plan? 

Well, whatever it is it’s YOURS fam, shout it out from the rooftop or keep it lowkey no worries, just don’t take these two words forward – perfect and forever! Yes, I’ve come straight to the point because there’s no such thing as ‘perfect’ and nothing lasts ‘forever.’ Once we’ve got that straight we’re sorted. Okay, say you want to be the ‘perfect’ woman. The 0.45-second search defines her as “a strong character and personality, who is consistent and has a variety of interests outside and within her family and home, and has more to her than meets the eye.” 

Already started to sound anime to me! And that’s not all, “she’s got a purpose and meaning to her life and is interesting to get to know.” As Chandler Bing, God rest his soul, would say -- can it BE more lop-sided and vague, this definition of the perfect superwoman, who apparently does it all and has it all – passion, humour, affection, loyalty, honesty, confidence, intelligence, empathy, patience and authenticity. Wow! And these are just the top 10 popular virtues. 

Wish life was that simple though! The pressure nevertheless is full on. Clearly, ‘perfect’ seems a dangerous state of mind in an imperfect world while ‘forever’ is a myth, lovingly told, foolishly accepted! 

Redefining forever, Emily Dickinson famously wrote: ‘Forever – is composed of Nows –

‘Tis not a different time –

Except for Infiniteness –

And Latitude of Home.’

Here she attempts to re-contextualise “forever as a stream of present tense experience” and not necessarily “the intangible distant future.” 

Two Words We’re Not Lugging Into 2024 

Sounds about right. The skewed conditioning however is so deep that ‘the flawless perfect’ and ‘the eternal forever’ are life goals for billions of us. To be pursued relentlessly, tirelessly if we crave constant superficial validation. The perfect party, the perfect outfit, the perfect make-up, the perfect body, the perfect score, the perfect plan, the perfect BF! And then that search for the elusive forever love -- ‘my forever’ in the marriage mart and the much-touted BFF in the friendzone. The forever relationships or forever happiness. Who are we kidding? It’s all a sham and deep down we know it too, and yet we chase the chimera, egged on by the weight of unrealistic expectations, mostly external but a lot internal too. WHY? What is with this irrational zest for the big P and the search for happily ever afters? 

Ya it’s all sounding very depressing and even stoic, on the surface, skim a little guys and you’ll begin to see purpose, peace and perspective with a new mood of benevolent realism setting in. In his book The Perfection Trap, Thomas Curran, professor of psychology at LSE, touts the theory of ‘good enough’ to counterbalance the “psychological pains that chasing perfectionism” invariably brings about. 

But you’ve got to peak emotionally before you start seeing things in a different light. That’s when the focus tectonically shifts to having the courage to be ‘imperfect’ so that you live every present moment instead of being blinded by the myth of ‘forever.’ Where the spotlight isn’t on the ‘paralyzing form of self-abuse called perfectionism or the lie called forever,’ instead you are progress-driven and unafraid of failure. Where you are not hung up on mistakes but embrace the valuable life lessons.

By letting go of the debilitating idea of perfectionism and the falsity of forever, you experience the liberating high of learning from mistakes and growing constantly. In the philosophical words of Sydney Banks, “If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience, that alone would change the world.” 

Wabi-Sabi, the Japanese call it, where you “embrace imperfections and transience” thus alleviating “the pressure of overthinking about achieving perfections.” And since we are going Japanese, might as well “embrace the unavoidable, accept what you can’t control and focus your energy on what you can,” through Shoganai. “Be where you are not where you think you should be” by making meaningful social connections to fix your inner circle and by setting healthy boundaries to be your authentic self. 

When we are mindful of the “impermanence” of everything, life becomes “happier” believe psychologists. “One must therefore learn to appreciate life’s moments and be present in the now.” 

In other words, “have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary,” as Steve Jobs spells it out. 

Enough said! 

Putting the pressure of perfection and the pursuit of forever aside then, over 80% of millennials and Gen Zs rank mental health, financial independence and organic eating as their top priorities, according to a recent social media survey. Many intend to start savouring the little joys that make living more meaningful while taking time off for some TLC all through next year to sustain the #newme. The real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical #newME! So let the adventure truly begin fam, here’s to a Very Happy New You 2024! Let’s #slayit 

Views expressed by the author are their own