Book Excerpt: The Wife And The Dancing Girl By Anuja Chandramouli

Love scorched the heavens and when it was lost, it turned everything to ashes. He was no hero. He was not one to rescue his loved one by hauling her back from the blazing wreckage of a broken world or by fighting a war to win her hand. But he was sweet and sensitive. And loved. Fiercely. By his wife and the dancing girl. They loved him and lost him in turns. But to the bitter end, they went on loving him. 

Swept away on the tides of breathtaking passion and delicious desire, Kannagi, the wife, and Madhavi, the dancing girl, find themselves plummeting to the unforgiving depths of love and despair, armed only with futile hope and the bleakly dawning realisation that exquisite pleasure must be paid for with endless pain. This is the story of two women and the love triangle destiny enmeshed them in which spawned an epic saga that has lasted centuries. Inspired by the Silapathikaram, Ilango Adigal’s timeless Tamil classic, Anuja Chandramouli’s bold new take delivers a double dose of romance that is unforgettably tender and unrelentingly tragic.

Here's an excerpt from The Wife and the Dancing Girl

I lay writhing and thrashing thrashing on the red soil, trying desperately, and failing, to process the magnitude of the loss that had befallen me. How was it possible to lose everything worth having within the span of a few wretched moments? All my life I had been patient, kind and hopeful. Only to lose the love I had so desperately dreamed of regaining. 

I could feel the raw rage charring my insides as it poured forth, eager to unleash the wrath of the thousand hells of Yama, until there was nothing left but the devastation and desolation that mirrored the desecrated ruins of my heart and soul, once filled to bursting with love for him. Him. Dearest husband who had been mine to love and lose and love and lose, again and again.
 
Was there anyone in the annals of time who had been as sorely tested as I? All I ever wanted was to love and be loved in return. Gold, silks, jewels, and the so-called good things in life never held any allure for me. Yet, the Gods and Fates had judged me greedy for loving him too much and snatched him away for good. Damn them all to the same loveless existence they had condemned me to! 

How happy he had made me. Now he was gone and had taken with him all the joy I had ever known. All that remained were the memories I could shore up before they too were snatched up by time. These played out in my throbbing head in a giddy rush as I relived every precious moment with him, as potent passion and pain surged through my insides. Rocked violently by love and laughter, but also by loss, and the languishing I endured when he disappeared into the dancing girl's embrace. It was a cruel carousel that made me laugh and cry as I was tossed hither and thither on the relentless tides of remembrance. It was all I had aside from the vengeful anger that kept me alive for the sole purpose of righting a wrong. 

I refuse to retreat into the comforts and terrors of solitude that loom over my life. Not this time. The time for licking my wounds in unwavering silence is long gone. I refuse to hold my tongue and suffer in silence. Rage has given me wings and my husband's killers will be brought to their knees. Justice shall be served. For his sake. Everything in my life had revolved around him. Why should that change? For I loved him more than anyone or anything else in this accursed world. I will go on loving him. In life. And death. 
He shall be avenged. With blood and fire. This I swear on the enduring strength of my eternal love. For Kovalan, my beloved husband. Gone, but not forever. Not if I can help it. And when my work is finished, it will truly be over. For without him, I am already dead. 

I lost him, long before he was lost to me. Even so, it was a death blow. When the news of his death reached me, they said I fainted and when I came to, I lay like a woman who had lost her mind. Unseeing and lifeless, almost a corpse. No food or water passed my lips for days. They said I had lost the will to live. And they had begged me to live for the sake of my daughter. Our daughter. All I had were the memories of what I had lost. I held onto them for all I was worth. Despite everything, relentless remembrance of a happier time with him made me smile. It was enough to bring back the futile hope that lulled me into believing that he would somehow find his way back to me. From death and beyond.

I hoped and hoped, determined to hope until I could hope no more. But they told me he was gone forever. That I could never have him back. All the love in the three worlds which was less than the minutest morsel compared to the grand passion I had nurtured for him would not bring him back. 

Our love had been perfect, while it lasted. When we lay entwined on flower-strewn beds, our senses swimming with a surfeit of sensuous sustenance, warmed by the raging flames of passion and cooled by the soothing breeze of affection. At the time, I had truly believed that things would always be that way between us. Now it was all gone and the only thing that remained was the aching emptiness where he had been, which nothing could ever fill. Not food, music, dance, good conversation, none of the things I had loved when I had shared them with him. 

It hurt when they blamed me for the tragedy that had claimed him. It hurt worse when in the throes of my grief, I realized they were right. He had met his fate while fleeing from my embrace— our shared bed stuffed with the feathers of mating swans. It hurt worst of all, knowing that none of it could be undone.

What will become of me without him? I suppose I know the answer to that. He may have gone past recall. And his wife, with him. But my term of punishment was far from over. I was fully convinced that this was the price exacted for the flawless love we had shared. And I still had to pay my dues and pay them I will. Even if it means enduring more torment of the spirit and the flesh, I welcome the pain. 

Even knowing how it all turned out, I never regretted a moment of the time I spent with him. The delights borne of our love outweighed the pain it had bred. Even if it was not entirely true. And I will bear it all. For him. My Kovalan. A part of him shall always belong to me and I will hold on to my beloved with all my strength. Never to let go. Through death, which has already claimed me with him gone. And beyond. Because our love story was epic. And it always will be. 

Extracted with permission from Anuja Chandramouli's The Wife and the Dancing Girl; published by Rupa Publications.