Should I marry against my parents’ wishes? If my parents dislike the person I want to marry, should I walk out of the relationship? Four years ago, I broke up with a guy because my parents weren’t happy about the relationship. We were contemplating marriage. And if you ask me today how do I feel about the decision (made by a relatively younger, more passionate version of me), I would honestly say that I don’t regret it. I am coming out in open and admitting it today, I cannot be happy with someone, no matter how special he is, if my parents are having second thoughts about my relationship. So when Taapsee Pannu said that she can’t marry a person her parents don’t like, I gave her a virtual high five.

At such stressful times, one needs to ask themselves: If you decide to marry a person your parents disapprove of, is that something you can live with? And, remember there is no wrong answer here!

You are, indeed, free to make your own decisions in life. But, for me seeking affirmation was natural because I have to live with the decision I make. (But dad, he’s really smart and tall! What’s the problem then?) Questions like these could emerge and tempers may soar high. But there are no bad people here when it comes to making a serious decision. For me, I can’t live with the constant disapproval, trying to make them like each other all my life. Peace is more important to me.

Because my happiness matters the most

When I, who is perceived as a lighthearted, fun and humorous person, came face to face with their disapproval in my choice of a partner, instead of vexing out I took a minute to understand their point of view. Do my parents have any good reason for their disapproval? Am I going to be happy if I ignore their opinion? Is this disapproval putting mental pressure on me? In my attempt to know the reason behind their disapproval, I found out that we had conflicting beliefs.

Bridging the divide is important, if not solved

Yes, I value my parents and their consent before committing someone for marriage (not dating), and no, I am not Hum Saath Saath Hain type close to my family. But I still want to see them all happy together as a family should be. Not to be melodramatic, but it’s a contract of mutual respect for one another. Their opinion should not be disregarded when considering a life partner as I’d like them all to come together one day, cooking, playing cards and laughing together.

I don’t want to be caught in a disapproving marriage because I feel it can soon turn to resentment and anger.

My parents want me to get married now (and this desire has been casually floating around since I was 22)! Now, at 30, they would expect me to settle down with someone nice and intense, but right away. However, when making a lifelong decision such as marriage I need to understand the basic foundation of the relationship. I am a fan of effort, work and willingness. I don’t believe in magic.

Also Read: At the tipping point: How ten women entrepreneurs are breaking new ground

I Value Their Opinion

At times, they know me just as well as, if not better, and I give importance to the experience they have gathered on what a good marriage looks like. I don’t want to lie; I secretly envy my parents and how wonderfully they have managed to make their marriage work for years, that too in a joint family. I see them growing and loving each other every single day, more than yesterday. So, I may not place much weight on their opinion while switching jobs but yes choosing a partner to spend years and years with, I will continue to seek their counsel. Because I believe they only want happiness for me and if I am making a wrong decision, they have the rights to say no!

But again, if you believe in and respect your relationship enough to fight for it, parents will be able to see that and eventually respect your decision and support you too. One day, I want to tell my kids the story of how I met their father, and it won’t look good if it started with conflicts and disagreements, I think.

I have learnt even if it ends in a heartbreak, like it or not, you’ll get over it!

Feature Image Credit: The quint

Read More Stories By Ria Das

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