Women like SEX. Dear India, why can’t you just deal with it?

Fat Bodies bollywood

I don’t know why our woman kind has to scream from the roof tops, write blogs, sign petitions for a simple bloody truth- we like sex. We are passionate, we are loving, we can be bad asses in bed. But left upto my darling society in which I HAVE to live and breathe, our gender will always have to hide our sexuality.

I sincerely do hope, is that the women see it and release their minds.

Hell, since we face this common situation ( I hate to use the word ‘common’, but hasn’t it become that?) every single day, so this rant may not seem out of the ordinary. But it bloody is. In an another stellar example of shutting down any kind of sexual freedom a woman may WANT to showcase in cinematic glory, our exemplary Censor Board of India has denied certification to a wonderfully nuanced tale – Lipstick Under My Burkha. The stellar rule of Pahlaj Nihalani continues.  The reasons stated ( I absolutely cannot read this without laughing out real loud):

The story is lady oriented, their fantasy above life. There are containous ( is this even a word?) sexual scenes, abusive language, audio pornography, and a bit sensitive touch about one particular section of society, hence film is refused under guidelines …..

CBFC certificate for Lipstick Under My Burkha

CBFC certificate for Lipstick Under My Burkha

For those who haven’t seen this fantastic trailer yet, it’s stories about 4 women of different ages who have sexual fantasies filled with naughty smiles, innuendos and a love for the body- just like all women do. Wait- let me rephrase that – LIKE ALL MEN DO TOO. Check out the trailer:

But let’s stop digressing to the absolutely loving tantalising vibe of the movie, and come back to the certification refusal reasons and analyse:

1. The story is lady oriented, their fantasy above life.

Above life? What is below life? I simply don’t understand that. Can I not dream of a higher sense of sexual purpose? Does ” above life” mean we shouldn’t be allowed to even think over the traditional Bhartiya Naari image who sits at her husband’s feet and spreads her legs only at his demands? I am a wife in today’s society and equally incharge of making my relationship work sexually. We have fantasies, but god forbid we say them out loud- from the bloody watchman to the censor board chief will have an opinion. And lady oriented? You clearly have not been introduced to the Grand Masti series starring 3 idiots and cat named “Pussy”. Their “lullis and lulas” want to stare at “tattes” all the bloody time and make a franchise out of jiggling boobs and innuendo jokes for 3 hours. It got rated faster than the speed of light- WHY? Because men staring at tits and rubbing their crotches in wide screen is funny, but a woman wearing red lipstick in a mirror is “lady oriented”. Suppression is so biased.

2. They contain sexual scenes, audio pornography, abusive language.

Hello, hello – is this thing on? GANGS OF WASSEYPUR- clearly we are missing our cult north classic. Patch a string of gaalis with some pronouns in the middle for dialogue, get actors who speak every word with different forms of oi, aah , mujhe to apne maar hi daala and other sexual references and there you have it- an award winning film. Emran Hashmi makes a career out of disgustingly kissing atleast a 1000 slobbery ones on screen and it’s “out there”. Love, Sex Aur Dhokha becomes a cult with a sex scene shown in the back of a supermarket. All of them have men protagonists at their helm and hence -ACCEPTABLE. Women speak one word of their sexual fantasies with so much as tiny f**k – India goes into a tizzy. Double standard ki bhi koi hadh hoti hai.

3. A bit sensitive touch about one section of society.

Which section? WOMEN? Are we a just a section now? I refuse to categorise this film under the garb of the muslim section, or slightly backward or poor or all of the above- because simply, it’s just about all women. The world inside our heads coming alive on the screen. A world in which where sex is not a taboo topic, it is discussed openly without any threat. A world where I choose to make my intimate thoughts a reality.

I for one think the director Alankrita Srivastava, Director of Lipstick Under My Burkha should just give a big middle finger to the entire certification board and release the movie online in its full blown glory. Let the peeps torrent it, I bet all the men will see it in secret. I bet the men will even talk about it and snigger. But what I sincerely do hope, is that the women see it and release their minds.

Views are the authors own