I woke up this morning to some truly stupid news. Although I saw it a whole day later ( damn you twitter, why didn’t you get it to me sooner?), a popular F&B company wants to now make “special chips for women”. I was both amazed and stupefied at the same time, because non-crunchy chips are kinda pointless. But when I read further down and discovered that these absolutely dumb comments were made by none other than my personal idol Indra Nooyi, I was more disappointed than sad.
A respectable corporate leader and force to reckon with, her rationale behind wanting to make chips specially for women was that women don’t like the loud crunch and lick their lips in public.
Hold on, HOLD ON A MINUTE – has my entire life been a lie? I don’t ever remember a time where I haven’t joyfully licked my fingers after binging on a baggie! This got me thinking – which are some of the other silly etiquettes that are expected of us women? Some come to mind:
1. The age ol’ – ” Sit properly beta, cross your legs.”
Whether it be at home or in public, our legs must always be either crossed or placed in such a way so as to not look obscene at all. While the men sit with legs spread, paunches showing, in the most awful way possible – a woman is always meant to protect her nethers. Even when it’s below 4 layers of clothing, because apparently no one can contain themselves. So ashleel na? Everyone needs to stop doing this. No exceptions to the rule.
2. Don’t be loud.
Not everyone is born with a soft voice and by god, they shouldn’t be either! I am fairly loud person and have been shushed at countless times in public while some man is being utterly gross with loud phone commentary. “Don’t be loud. It’s not feminine at all”, my mother used to say. Again – no exceptions to this rule should be allowed. Be concerned of your surroundings, man or woman.
3. Gaali mat dena!
A woman who is loud and cusses – hai daiya! History has painted us in some soft, demure avatar in which our palus are the extent of our personality- welcome to the new age, people! While the men rant off like sailors to their friends, cabwallas, chaiwalla – basically anyone they interact with, their faces change when a woman utters a cuss word! Suddenly, it’s all tradition, sanskriti and what not. Take a pill people. A girl who cusses, knows that no one can mess with her.
4. The man is giving orders, can’t you see?
Happens to be almost every single time I go to a restaurant – even though I am ordering the food, the staff (made of men) is waiting for my husband to give them a confirmation nod. I sometimes wonder – do I have stupid written on my face? Only the man is supposed to be giving the orders, you see!
5. Don’t lick the bowl.
We all know that the true happiness in eating ice cream to lick the bowl after the last bite. Many may find it crude, but I find it rather fun! If men lick the bowl, they’d pass off as cute with an Instagram comment or two. But if a woman were to lick the bowl in public, everything from manners to family values will be questioned by complete strangers.
If the ice cream is same for both the genders, why can’t everyone lick the bowl with no stage fright at all?
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