The debate on the ‘due date’ of marriage is a ubiquitous form of discussion that can be found in kitchens, weddings, road trips, dinner tables and coffee shops. The concerned subject gains more importance when we place it in our Indian context. Our rigid, but stable societies fail to understand – Why are millennials in no hurry to get married? Let’s break down the enormity of the situation at hand and get to the core.
Behind every transitional change in the structures of a society, an idea or a philosophy forms the backdrop. The western ideal of liberalism is based on individualism that gives prime importance to the atom of the society – the individual. All the major decisions in the life of an individual are taken by herself/himself. She/he is free to eat, dress, wander, work and marry according to her/his likes and dislikes. This philosophy is now gaining momentum in India too. And the clash between our traditional societies and the liberal values is an uncomfortable one.
The point of ‘settling down’
All youngsters in our country have to face the dreaded question, posed by the society or their parents, “When will they settle down?” Settling down refers to a stable desk job, with a house, a wife/husband and two children. This ‘ideal family’ notion is taking a back seat when the nature of lifestyle is itself changing. We want to travel, we want to explore, we want to live at our own pace. The individualistic lifestyle has crept into our system and we are redesigning the blueprint of our life accordingly. Once we find a job we love and are independent enough, then the issue of marriage can be brought in. That, will take time.
The individualistic lifestyle has crept into our system and we are redesigning the blueprint of our life accordingly. Once we find a job we love and are independent enough, then the issue of marriage can be brought in. That, will take time.
Women empowerment is slowly spreading across the country. The banal argument of being dependant on a male partner seems absurd when women are equal in every sphere of life. An unequal balance in a relationship, where both individuals are highly ambitious, ends in a conflict. Hence, we want time. One should learn to love oneself before others, otherwise it leads to a toxic dependency.
Yash Bhatt, a 25-year-old software engineer says, “ I don’t want biological kids nor I want my girlfriend to be called as Mrs Bhatt. So there’s not much difference for me between a live-in vs Marriage.”
Women in the context of our societies
Patriarchy has deep roots and will take time to change its course. Till then we have to contextualize our situation. If both members of a household are working and come back from a tiring day, the role of managing the household can’t rest on the woman alone. This is very obvious and the sad part is we have to make this clear in every argument. Everyone needs to learn the life skills and hence everyone has to share household chores. Either this works as a mutual understanding or make rules and hang it on the fridge to divide the house chores. This revolution in our society will take time.
Chandni, a 25-year-old chemical engineer, says, “ When a girl goes out to study, she realizes many things that were not taught to her at her home. And to expect her to conduct a housewife role after completing her studies is just not possible.”
These all things take time. A stable mind, in today’s scenario, is achieved through maturity which comes with age. Forcing responsibilities is not an option to carry out a successful marriage. Marriage is not a small try out session. Not marrying is also a choice, that we need to respect.
We need time. Time to stand on our feet, to understand the world from our perspective, to make sense of complex things and time to love oneself.
Pic by MyAdvo.in
Rachna Chandira is an intern with SheThePeople.Tv. The views expressed are the author’s own.